Subject:
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Re: Corporal punishment (was rah rah, canada!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Wed, 4 Feb 2004 19:07:54 GMT
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Viewed:
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433 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Christopher L. Weeks wrote:
<snip lots of weel thgouht out and implemented stuff>
> failures to interact with my son properly leading up to the incident. Many
> parents ignore the goals/wants of their children in order to attend to their
> own. That's usually what leads to these situations, in my experience.
>
> Chris
Wow Chris, that's a whole different slant that I hadn't considered. Nicely
done.
To continue the discussion with maybe a specific example, however, lets consider
the tantrum throwing child.
I was 5 once (though that was last millenium, heck, it was in the *gasp* 'early
'70's) and I vaguely remember a few whoppers. As well, cutting to this day and
age, I have friends with 4-5 year olds, so the tantrum throwing experience
hasn't abated over the generations.
So here's a family in a public place, and the child starts "throwing a
tantrum"--mayhaps the tantrum's in the form of jumping up and down, screaming,
or running amok thru the public venue all the while yelling--whatever it is the
child's doing it.
Now, in my 'never-been-a-parent-but-have-taken-care-of-kids' mind, there are
many possible ways for a parent to handle the situation. Let's just focus on my
mind what the good ones may be.
Asking the child to stop would be a start. But the kids screaming and jumping
and the 'listening ears' aren't tuned in at that time. So after a failure of
communication, if I read your post properly, you would then proceed to carry the
child out of said establishment. Well, that's good, but kids learn--when they
are in a local that they don't wnat to be at, they just have to scream and
ignore the parents and they get carted out anyway.
A quick swat on the heinie will usually get the childs attention, though. It's
not *because* the parent has a 'superior' position, its because that's what cuts
to the chase. When other options fail--negotiation and the like...
We all learn at some time that things don't always go our way. A 5 year old has
difficulty with concepts of 'next week' or 'down the line', but what's happening
here and now is what they live in, what they can understand and fathom. tantrum
throwing, in any circumstance, is unacceptable behaviour, for a child or for a
parent. When that guy got out of his truck and yelled and swore at the poor
lady who just happened to have touched his vehicles bumper at a red light,
that's unacceptable behaviour, and I told him as much. Whether he listened to
me or not, eh, whatever.
But the 5 year old, being my responsibility, should understand that actions have
consequences. This has nothing to do with parental superiority, it's just life
lessons.
My house, if you dind't do your homework or get good grades, you couldn't watch
TV. That was the extent of that punishment. The punishment, in other words,
should suit the 'crime' If you went and put little Missy's ponytail in an
inkwell, on the other hand... Oh wait, that wasn't me, that was my dad.
;)
As a tangent, if you were spanked as a kid, who did the spankin'--mom or dad.
As for me, my father never laid a hand on me when I was a kid--Mom did all the
disciplining. Yet I always found my dad more intimidating. He never threatened
me, or hit me, or even raised his voice at me when I was growing up. I was
taller than him when I was around 17 but still intimidated by him.
Hmmm... Freud anyone?
Dave K
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Corporal punishment (was rah rah, canada!
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| (...) Honestly considering tantrums is a somewhat humbling experience for parents. You can pretty explicitly track the cause of the tantrum to failure to act on the part of the parents. I've been there and done that. It's been my fault. It might be (...) (21 years ago, 4-Feb-04, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Corporal punishment (was rah rah, canada!
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| (...) There are two basic thrusts that I'll take with this. First, and what I expect to me more convincing/interesting to the "pro-spank" or "parents' rights" crowd, is that it produces long-term deleterious motivational effects. It seems that (...) (21 years ago, 4-Feb-04, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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