Subject:
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Re: Child rearing (was: Nothing personal, but...)
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Wed, 20 Jun 2001 14:44:18 GMT
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Viewed:
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579 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Christopher L. Weeks writes:
> > this seems to be one of those times where it's appropriate
> > for the parents to send BOTH kids to their rooms without supper.
>
> I know this wasn't the point, but I have to say that such an action is a
> really disgusting abuse. The kids should be taught to work out their
> differences and play nicely. Forcing an abusive authority relationship on
> them won't do anything positive.
From a simply pragmatic standpoint, I never saw the "no supper" punishment
as that effective, including those few occasions when I was subject to it.
It was too vague a punishment to have any lasting effect, even in terms of
negative reinforcement. It's kind of like rubbing the dog's nose in his poo
two hours after he deposited it on the carpet--the dog doesn't associate the
nose-rubbing with the act of poo-ing, so there's no significant change to
his freewheeling poo habits. (For the record, I have never, to my knowledge,
poo'ed on the carpet, nor have I had my nose rubbed in it.)
However, I absolutely don't buy into the thinking that very young children
can formulate complex reasoning about right and wrong when it comes to
abstract matters (heck, many adults I know can't do it), and therefore it is
not feasible simply to explain the situation to the child without forming
some tangible negative (not necessarily physical) association with the "bad"
behavior.
While it's admirable on paper to teach children (prior to the onset of
formal operational reasoning) the abstract right and wrong of behaviors, I
have never met nor heard of a child (except via the parents or relatives of
that child) who *really* responded to such instruction for more than a
fleeting period. The child may be made to realize briefly that coloring on
the wall with crayon is objectionable, but that won't stop the child from
doing it again in the future.
This isn't a commentary on the intelligence of any particular child (and
certainly not on your child(ren)), but prior to a certain age a child's
brain is *structurally* unable to form the complex paths of formal
operational reasoning. This is well-documented and is supported child
development theory and by legal precedent regarding when a child may be held
accountable for crimes he/she commits.
Dave!
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Message has 2 Replies:
Message is in Reply To:
 | | Child rearing (was: Nothing personal, but...)
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| (...) I know this wasn't the point, but I have to say that such an action is a really disgusting abuse. The kids should be taught to work out their differences and play nicely. Forcing an abusive authority relationship on them won't do anything (...) (23 years ago, 20-Jun-01, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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