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In lugnet.castle, Nathan Todd writes:
> Hi Matt,
>
> I read some of your writing (not sure if this was before or after you
> edited it). It is actualy quite good in many ways (but that says a lot about
> the reader I am).
Thank you for your comments. They are highly valued.
(I'm still assessing my target audience. Perhaps It
would appeal to the more philosophical type?)
> If you want my advice it would be to create some contrasts.
> Such as some characters with simpiler views (to highlight your existing more
> complicated characters);
I'm planning on editing that as well. It seems that I
kind of created an antithesis to some of my original
intentions. For example, I planned to make Argent very
mysterious and Scorpio rather prevalent. Guess that
kind of backfired as the reader knows less about Scorpio.
Perhaps for my next chapter, I'll try to highlight
him more often.
How far into the story
did you read? :)
> also some periods of action or more in depth scene
> setting (there may be more I just didn't get far enough). This is just a
> suggestion which I think would highlight your story/style rather then
> changing it.
Definitely...some scenes I went really too far into depth,
and some (people could argue) I didn't do enough justice.
I'm still unsure on the battle scene.
> God Bless and keep up the good work,
>
> Nathan
God bless you as well.
<<_Matt Hein_>>
Fellow lego enthusiast
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Message has 2 Replies:
 | | Re: Please read this!
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| Hi Matt, In lugnet.castle, Matt Hein writes: SNIP (...) Thanks! That, or if you really worked at it, those interested in a slow building tension based around thoughts more then events (eg Tolkien's black riders in 'The Fellowship of the ring, the (...) (22 years ago, 20-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
| | | Re: Please read this!
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| Hi Matt, (...) The new version is much clearer. A few of suggestions for you: - you are definitely a writer. The fact that you keep coming back to it, after so many blunt criticisms, proves this. - you need to perfect your grammar and word (...) (22 years ago, 20-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Please read this!
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| Hi Matt, I read some of your writing (not sure if this was before or after you edited it). It is actualy quite good in many ways (but that says a lot about the reader I am). If you want my advice it would be to create some contrasts. Such as some (...) (22 years ago, 19-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
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