| |
In lugnet.castle, Alan Findlay writes:
> Well, Matt, I'm not sure how much my comments will be "appreciated" as they
> are going to be in the vein of "discouraging words".
>
> I got about half-way through the second line of the first sentence, then
> pretty much gave up. I scrolled down through the rest of the story, and was
> discouraged to see that most sentences were of the same type as the first.
>
> The paragraph length sentences and "five dollar words" essentially pummeled
> me into submission, then booted me out.
Well, that's a shame to hear...
When I write, I tend to place it in a poetic
stance, however, I've seen the notion that some
people prefer the more 'straightforward' type of
writing, which I find rather boring.
> There's a story in there, but... well, your writing style doesn't draw me
> in, so I can't find it.
You'll find it...eventually...
> I don't mean to discourage you from writing, but I believe you need to edit
> your thoughts into more compact images. Then let these pieces build into a
> bigger picture. As it stands now, by the time I'm even half-way through one
> of your sentences, I've lost track of where I started and the picture is
> lost. I don't think that's what you intended to happen.
No...didn't intend it that way...then again, there
are multiply ways in which to interpret the reading,
so possibly you took a look at it from the wrong angle.
(otherwise, this particular genre of work might
not appeal to you.)
> Anyway, that's my two-cents worth. Take from it what you will.
Right...not too discouraging though. There are those who
will figure it out, and those who won't.
Peace out,
<<_Matt Hein_>>
Fellow lego enthusiast
Perhaps the lack of pictures also stymied the
overall appearance of the story. When those are
in place, the final product would be more
appealing. I'm working on getting a digicam
sometime soon.
|
|
Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Please read this!
|
| Hi Matt, I had a similar reaction. I couldn't find my way through your sentences. And I am a very skilled reader. (...) Your poetry is fine but your sentences are too long. (...) Nah, the sentences are just too long. Your poetry and meaning are (...) (22 years ago, 17-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
|
Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Please read this!
|
| Well, Matt, I'm not sure how much my comments will be "appreciated" as they are going to be in the vein of "discouraging words". I got about half-way through the second line of the first sentence, then pretty much gave up. I scrolled down through (...) (22 years ago, 17-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
|
53 Messages in This Thread:
 
 
- Entire Thread on One Page:
- Nested:
All | Brief | Compact | Dots
Linear:
All | Brief | Compact
This Message and its Replies on One Page:
- Nested:
All | Brief | Compact | Dots
Linear:
All | Brief | Compact
|
|
|
|
