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In lugnet.castle, Alan Findlay writes:
> Hi Matt,
>
> I too think that it would be a good idea to dive a bit into LOTR. Not,
> however, to get story/character ideas. You are taking the correct path, IMO,
> in creating your own world and creatures.
Definitely...trying to be original for once,
since I noticed the growing collections of
fan fiction that people always seem to write.
> The value from LOTR, I believe, will come from the way Tolkien writes
> dialogue. This has been my biggest stumbling block with your story. I've
> tackled the scene with Skye and Dash a couple of more times, and I'm still
> confused about who's on what side of the secular/theocracy issue, or what
> social stigma's are attributed to whom for associating with the other (clear
> as mud?). The dialogue between Ludan and Sergei is also confusing.
Guess I'm due to read Tolkein's works, then...when
writing the dialogue, I attempted to reveal the
arrogance of Skye to remain with the aristocracy,
and somehow I drifted into the theocacy debate.
That, and the whole 'society bans us from speaking'
factor. I am seriously rconsidering rewriting the
entire dialogue for both that selection and Ludan's
scene.
> I have no problem with a scene that is essentially dialogue, with only a few
> references to surroundings, so I'm not trying to tell you to kill the scene.
> Rather, I'm trying to understand it.
No, I don't intend to kill the scene, since that
would seriously throw the story off its original
intentions.
> Tolkien was able to convey through dialogue whether someone was a commoner
> or aristocracy. It wasn't necessarily through using big words, so the
> aristocracy was able to talk in a way that us commoners could still follow
> the story.
Still yet another incentive to delve into the
Tolkein continguincy...I'll figure it out,
eventually...
> I would suggest for the dialogue trying a two-step process for re-writing.
> First, have the characters speak in plain language that's easy to follow.
I could replace some words and place an asterisk
next to certain phrases, so as to signify them.
For example, since few people know that the phrase
'terra incognita' means unexplored area od knowledge,
I could place an asterisk next to it, then write
a small entry in the index.
I'll include more plain language, although I'd
like characters like Argent, Dash and Skye to
exhibit more flamboyant phrases. (since they
are highly cultured.)
> Second, once the message of the dialogue is clearly set out, "punch up" the
> language a bit, sometimes through words, but also through the character's
> attitude or posture. Try thinking a little bit of Shakespeare, just to get
> the mood.
Okay, mood, posture, facial expression, tone of voice.
All of these seem viable enough...
I read some Shakespeare, and If I recall, some of his
works are equally cluttered with uncommon phrases.
(then again, probably only the higher educated would
read it, per se.)
> Well, that's my latest two cents. Hope it has some value for you.
> Alan
As always, any comments whatsoever have value.
Imput is always welcome.
<<_Matt Hein_>>
Fellow lego enthusiast
O s p r e y
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Please read this!
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| Hi Matt, Stuff like "terra incognito" isn't the problem. The following: ****** “Hmm…you continue to demean such an epitome principle as rank, yet in your stance, never waiver from its respective boundaries…” Dash spoke, as he continued. “If you are (...) (22 years ago, 23-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Please read this!
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| Hi Matt, I too think that it would be a good idea to dive a bit into LOTR. Not, however, to get story/character ideas. You are taking the correct path, IMO, in creating your own world and creatures. The value from LOTR, I believe, will come from the (...) (22 years ago, 22-Dec-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
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