Subject:
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Re: Excellenter news!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Thu, 5 Jan 2006 04:57:07 GMT
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Viewed:
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1941 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Bruce Schlickbernd wrote:
> In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Leonard Hoffman wrote:
> > In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Dave Schuler wrote:
> > > In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Bruce Schlickbernd wrote:
> > >
> > > > > What about the fate of a man who kills 5 women and children during a
> > > > > botched bank robbery where he is captured at the scene. Presumably, then,
> > > > > you feel comfortable enough to execute him?
> > > >
> > > > Here's a sword - are you willing to personally execute him yourself? No,
> > > > it's not a facetious question.
> > >
> > > That may present a problem, but not because of a lack of volunteers.
> > > Didn't several hundred members of our civilized and Christian nation sign
> > > up to help execute Gary Gilmore?
> >
> > I just envisioned a new cash source for the government! Selling a raffle to
> > see who gets to execute someone! Or better yet, an auction!
>
> Full lottery, none of this "scratcher" nonsense. Now that would be putting
> money where your mouth is! :-)
I like this. Definite potential as a revenue raiser and a crowd pleaser.
But I think you might be onto something much much bigger.
Think of the money and time we'd all save if we skipped the admittedly only
dubiously successful process of investigation and judicial decision, and just
had a weekly lottery among profiled outcasts, psychotics and losers to see who
gets executed! We could have some wildcard entries for random everyday Joe's,
and all tune in to Fox on Tuesday nights for 'The Short Straw of Justice'
between Stacked and Nanny 911 to see who gets to be the executee. Then we get
the draw for who gets to be the executioner. While the balls are tumbling
through the air and we're waiting for them to drop, a blond in a revealing
evening dress and with a smile full of teeth so bright they could used as be
landing lights on a secret terorist suspect transport aircraft could tell us
tales of the sort of squalid human scum who qualify for the executee lottery.
Finish up with an ad for buying tickets in the executioner lottery, and you'd be
raking in the cash on top of huge savings in the judicial process.
But that's only the beginning.
I bet televising the forced banana executions would rate off the planet,
particularly in syndication among the media arms of the religious right, padded
out with interviews with your Joe Public executioner lottery winners about how
they never thought they'd be one of the chosen, and how of course its abhorrent
to kill, but how they turned to their god in their hour of need to find the
strength to do his work, safe in the knowledge that their god would not have
allowed an innocent person to win this week's executee lottery. I'm thinking a
15 minute intro, meet the family, oh gosh we're proud, I sure hope he does ok, I
don't know if I could do it, maybe 15 minutes of build up, will they push the
button that activates the banana feeding device? or won't they!? what happens if
they can't do it!!? does it go into extra time!!!? or does the referee
administer a golden banana (golden bananas are such a let down, don't you
think)? and then 5 minutes of them jumping about all over the place, a-whooping
and a-hollering in triumph and relief at the challenge successfully met.
35 minutes leaves space for ads for the newest tasty baked not fried treats,
beer, cola, Fox News and the Reverend Saintly's new online faith healing
ministry, where his god can touch you through your computer screen, render you
temporarily epileptic then unconscious, cure your double vision and empty your
bank account for only $19.95 on pay per view. For only an extra $9.95 he can
also cure a supplementary malady, finally giving everyone the world over a
chance to be rid of unsightly ear hair, or return to a full and normal life
after male pattern baldness.
Add in a teaser for next week's The Short Straw of Justice and you've got an
hour slot filled to overflowing with the good stuff.
For efficiency's sake, you could do the self-confessed smoking gun standing over
the body types as part of the lead up to the main event, or bulk three or four
of them together into a 2 hour 'Bale of Justice' special.
You could place online bets about how many bananas it would take to do in the
evil villain, and the weak-kneed bleeding hearts could all either eat too many
bananas on the day, wear little plastic copyrighted bananas on their lapels, or
tie bananas around trees to symbolise their solidarity and shared pain with the
executee.
The Department of Justice could hold an annual auction among the various
agricultural lobbyists to determine which fruit should become the certified
Fruit of Justice for the next year, based on the fruit's inherent justice
serving properties, and how much the lobbies will pay for the privilege.
Schools throughout the nation could be mandated to serve every child a piece of
this fruit every school day, to remind children of the importance of Justice.
Naughty children would have to eat a lot of it, obviously, until they were sick,
which is hard, but fair, and allows us to finally end a host of barbaric
disciplinary practices.
Granted it all wouldn't be much of a deterrent for individual crimes, but it
would certainly be a solid right-thinking encouragement to social outliers to
adopt mainstream values and lifestyles. Doubtless you'd catch and execute some
of these potential criminals even before they were able to think of much less
commit their cruel crime, thus saving them from eternal damnation! And imagine
the needless, heinous suffering that would be averted among the good honest folk
who would have been the innocent victims of those terrible crimes.
And if the crime rate was too high, we could just have more lotteries.
And and of course I'm not serious.
I don't support state coerced adoption of mainstream values and lifestyles.
;-)
Richard
Still baldly going...
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Message has 2 Replies:
 | | Re: Excellenter news!
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| (...) I have it! None of this outcasts, psychotics, and losers nonsense - who cares about them? How about this: Politicians who are no longer in office get thrown in the execution pool and the lottery winner gets his/her pick to off! God, what a (...) (18 years ago, 5-Jan-06, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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