Subject:
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Re: Dear Aby...with a difference (was: Girlfriends Guardians!!!)
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Fri, 2 Nov 2001 13:26:35 GMT
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Viewed:
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197 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Rick Hallman writes:
> They have met me once or twice when I picked her up for youth group before
> we got real serious, and any other information was supplied by their son,
> who despises me.
I guess the first thing that I'd do is consult with your girlfriend and her
brother about what's going on and see if you 'kids' can work it out. Even if
he doesn't like you, why would he want to make his sister unhappy?
> I have
> been advised to write a letter asking in a VERY pilite manner what's up?
To the parents or the brother? I guess that's not bad, but meeting in person
is more powerful (and harder). The suggestion about a dinner sit-down with
parents/guardians and you and she is a good one.
> And what is anunciates?
It was my mis-spelling of enunciate. Oops. It means to speak clearly. The
only reason that I brought it up is because I've found it makes a world of
difference in the minds of adults...more than it should I suppose.
> I don't know if I have anything in common.
> Might ask GF next time I see her.
I think that she is going to be the key to figuring this out. But if she's
eighteen, I'm having a hard time figuring what it matters what her guardians
think.
> > When two people are having some kind of social problem,
> > they can often just talk it out. Try that, and always remember that you're
> > their equal -- neither their inferior (because adults are intimidating) nor
> > their superior (because they're nuts), just another person trying to get
> > along.
> Okay. When would be a good time to do this? Out of the blue?
> call and ask first?
You could schedule something like a dinner. Or you could plan a time with your
girlfriend that is likely to be a receptive time for her guardians. Maybe she
could have you over to their house for dinner on a night when her brother will
be out.
> Like what? I said in the upper section that they met me once or twice, and
> all other information is fed by their son, who could be considered a
> "druggie" in school slang, and I am anti-drug in an active way. Maybe he fed
> information throguh them because I have different viewpoints then him?
So you have this negative relationship with the brother. How can you help to
work through that? Did you used to be friends at some point? What do you mean
when you say that you're "antri-drug in an active way?" If he perceives that
you're some holier-than-thou prick about his recreational drug use, or if
you've actually made trouble for he or his friends, then you've got a lot to
overcome.
> > That's pretty invasive. Sounds like bad parenting to me.
> Ick. Don't wanna say "You're a bad parent!"
Oh, right...I wasn't suggesting that you _say_ that to them. But they do sound
like control freaks. This is made more true by her age...I had been imagining
her as fifteen.
Chris
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