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Well, here's my take on the whole thing...
First you have to decide if your girl and you are truly serious about each
other -- sometimes it seems really serious because of hormones, youthful
exuberance, etc. These are REAL phenomena -- you can feel one day that
something is hugely important to you and the next that it doesn't matter at
all. Not only that, but you will find that with time youthful love
sometimes seems a bit of a joke -- that the manner and depth of your love as
a late teen was not what you would later become capable of in your more
mature years.
That said, I want to take your feelings seriously. You seem serious and
perhaps you are more mature than your years might suggest. I don't doubt
that you may have very profound feelings between your girl and yourself.
Sometimes it comes early to some people. That happens too.
In my youth, and this seems like forever ago, I got involved with a young
lady of the LDS (Mormon) persuasion. [My parents were raising me as an
atheist, which is crazy because only agnosticism makes any real spiritual
sense!] J was intelligent, beautiful, sexy, great company, funny -- she had
it all! As it is said in one of my favorite operas: her kisses could melt
the gold in a man's teeth! Anyway, we were both 13 and within 2 weeks of
meeting we were doing the glorious, deep, hilarious, nasty stuff (sorry,
Lugnet's TOS forbids me from going into the lurid details here). This went
on for months and we were blissfully happy. My parents had taught me to
love responsibly and that is how it went down. That girl owned my heart.
But then the inevitable happened, as it alwasy does. Somehow J's romantic
life became known to her mother.
So, her father calls my father on the phone -- furious. Her father tells my
father that he must prevent me from seeing his daughter and that he will be
quite put out if it turns out otherwise. My father tells me I have to stop
seeing J. But, of course, J and I keep seeing each other in secret. This
goes on for a while, no problems. But you know how it is with the
inevitable -- it happened again. Her father found out it was still going
on. He calls my father again -- furious.
And I answered the phone. For a few moments, he stammered about how angry
he was about what was happening. I think if I had been within his reach,
instead of listening to him on the phone, he would have pounded me to death
(I was only about 5'4" then, J's Dad was over 6' and a BIG guy besides).
Finally, he manages to get out the fact that he cannot continue on the phone
and that he needs to see me in person -- to work this out man to man. I agree.
I ride my bike over to J's house where her old man meets me at the door. He
is red in the face and angry as hell. I put my bike down in the grass and
extend my hand to him in greeting saying something like, "I wish we had met
under better circumstances..." He grabs my hand in a strong grip and while
he is holding my hand and I am looking him in the eyes he says, "I wouldn't
have had the nerve to come here if I had been you." I said, "I had to come
here. I love your daughter."
I won't go into the gory details now, but by trial and error we arrived at
an agreement over time. I think that the first thing he had to realize
about me was that I was not frivolously plowing his daughter's fields. I
loved J and I would go toe to toe, hand to hand, eye to eye with her giant
of a father if that is what it might take to be with her. I wasn't afraid
of him because I was sure of her and myself. My relationship with J lasted
seriously until we were in our late teens. It wasn't smooth either, we were
too young and it was rocky. It has been many years since we have
communicated but there is nothing but friendship between us. I make it a
point to stay friends with the people I love in my life. I think it is part
of the human project to make friends and experience love. [That's
practically my whole philosophy in a nutshell -- the only stuff I feel sure
about.]
If I had any advice for you it would be to act responsibly, love earnestly,
and met adversity with steely determination (if you can). Somehow, you need
to meet these people on their turf and gain their respect. Perhaps you
could ask your girl to invite you to dinner to meet them. Perhaps you need
to confront her brother and ask him what his problem is. I think that if
you truly love this woman, it is worth making every effort to gain the trust
and respect of the people around her. Show them that you can be a positive
and loving influence in her life.
And if none of that works, you can always dump her ass when it becomes too
much hassle. =oP
<3
-- Hop-Frog
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Girlfriends Guardians!!!
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| (...) Only if you accept that "any real spiritual sense" exists. Atheism can entail a disbelief in exactly that. Likewise, if one holds a faith-based belief in a particular god, then that person's "real spiritual sense" makes sense to that person, (...) (23 years ago, 2-Nov-01, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Girlfriends Guardians!!!
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| Hello. As some of you may or may not know, I am in a relationship where my girlfriend's guardians do not like me much, they have false accusations against me, and even filed a police report against me because they do not like me, the police report (...) (23 years ago, 1-Nov-01, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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