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X-FUp-to: .fun
On Sat, 22 Jan 2000 12:47:28 GMT, Larry Pieniazek <lar@voyager.net>
wrote:
> Actually, I have. It's loads of fun coming up with Terribly Clever non
> answers (or BS answers) to questions. Never got my answer selected as
> (it's been so long, I forget what it was exactly) "best of the..."
> though.
>
> Wow, that's a blast from the past. Is it even still running? I haven't
> heard anyone mention it in years.
Look, if you want a proper answer from my omniscientness, you'll need
to do a proper grovel. Something like "Oh, Great Internet Oracle, I
throw myself upon your mercy, for you are the only one who can hear my
plea" would be nice.
Or try something like the following, which was quite nice except for
the capitalisation.
> ORACLE WHO"S HUMP HOLDSMORE WATER THAN A CAMEL HAS BODY WEIGHT SO IF
> YOU WANTED TO NEVER TAKE A DRINK AGAIN YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TO.
> YOUR KNOWLEDGE IS MORE PRECIOUS THAN THE BASEBALL DIAMOND.
> YOUR EXQUISITNESS IS MORE DETAILED THAN THE DIAMOND SKULL THE AZTECS
> CUT SOME MANY MOONS AGO.
> YOUR SCENT IS LIKE THAT OF WONDERFUL INSENCE FRAGRANT AND BLISSFUL.
> I NEED ONLY TO THINK OF YOU TO PUT MY MIND AT EASE,
> THEREFORE I SHALL NEVER SUFFER FROM INSOMNIA.
> YOUR KNOWLEDGE IS VAST, IT INCOMPASES ALL REALMS,UNIVERSES,GALAXY"S AND
> DIMENSIONS.
> I CAN ONLY HOPE TO BE SO WORTHY AS TO GROVEL BEFORE YOU UNTIL MY
> FORHEAD BLEEDS.
> I WOULD GLADLY POUR ALCOHOL ON IT OR EVEN BLEACH IF IT WERE YOUR WHIM.
> NEVER WILL THERE BE AN INTERNET ENTITY THAT IS MORE GRAND THAN
> YOURSELF. NEVER WILL THERE BE A SUPPLICANT WORTHY OF YOUR ANSWER,
> WE ARE NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO EVEN ASK *anything* OF YOU!
> YOU DESERVE NOTHING LESS THAN TO BE WORSHIPED ONLINE EVERY HOUR OF
> EVERY DAY. I WOULD GLADLY CLEAN YOUR SHOES WITH MY TOUNGE.
> TO BE IN YOUR PRESENCE IS AWE INSPIRING AND A PRIVILAGE.
> I AM LESS THAN NOTHING BEFORE YOU.
> I BURY MY FACE IN MUD TO SHOW YOU MY LESS THAN NOTHINGNESS.
> I ROLL NAKED IN TACKS SO YOU WILL KNOW MY DEDICATION.
> I THROW MYSELF IN A TANK FILLED WITH STARVING SHARKS.
> YOU ARE ALL THERE IS AND ALL THAT...
> AS I LIE PRONE BEFORE YOU I ASK ONLY ONE THING FROM YOUR VAST KNOWLEGE
> AND WISDOM....
> I TREMBLE BEFORE YOU .....
>
> I EAT A BOWL OF GRAVEL AND URINE TO APPEASE YOU!
> I BLUBBER AND WAIL AT YOUR TOENAIL CLIPPINGS...
> I THROW MYSELF INTO A VAT OF BOILING ATHLETES FOOT FUNGUS.
> I SCRATCH AT MY FACE UNTIL IT IS TORN AND DESHEVELED.
> I CASTRATE MYSELF WITH A RUSTY SPOON...
> I LICK THE INSIDE OF MY DOGS BOWEL TRACT...
> I EAT THE HAIR OFF MY NEIGHBORHOODS BARBER SHOP FLOOR...
> I LIE IN A BED OF HOT COALS PROSTRATE AND UNMOVING...
> I RENOUNCE MY HUMAN NAME IN FAVOR OF BEING CALLED "SLIME" BY YOU....
> I CUT OUT MY EYELIDS AND STAKE MYSELF TO THE ROOFON A HOT SUMMER DAY
> UNTIL MY EYES HAVE MELTED.
> I SELL NO WINE UNTIL YOU SAY IT'S TIME...
> I SIT THROUGH INFOMERCIALS FOR HOURS AT A TIME SMILING FOR YOU...
Anyway, of course this won't be digested due to not passing at all
near cs.indiana.edu, and frankly nowadays I get way too many questions
with incessant in-jokes, as well as answers. Anyway, my queue is
filling fast, so I need to move on to the next question.
Cheers, Orrie.
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Re: IP (was: Re: Any suggestions on a homepage?)
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| (...) Actually, I have. It's loads of fun coming up with Terribly Clever non answers (or BS answers) to questions. Never got my answer selected as (it's been so long, I forget what it was exactly) "best of the..." though. Wow, that's a blast from (...) (25 years ago, 22-Jan-00, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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