Subject:
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Re: Durned Telemarketers!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Mon, 26 Aug 2002 17:32:27 GMT
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Viewed:
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301 times
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I prefer the Marquis de Sade technique. Require all telemarketeers be
hooked up to an electro-shock machine. Push the star * button on your phone
when they call you (always at dinner time). The number of times the
telemarketeer has called you previously determines the voltage level. You
can rezap them every ten seconds. It will be fun! They torture you, now
you get to torture them.
Another variant: Schlickbernd's Syndrome - or "everything is a game". The
voltage levels are set to autofire every ten seconds, with a continuously
increasing level. The game: how far can you string 'em along!
"Fascinating!"
"Tell me more!"
"Are you as handsome/beautiful as you sound?"
"Every bank, mortgage broker, and real estate agent calls me every day of
every week begging me to sell my house, but I'm *sure* you can tell me
something that I haven't heard just ten minutes ago while I was trying to
eat dinner in peace!"
Well, okay, four houses on my cul de sac are up for sale because the prices
have doubled in the four years since they were built, but every damn day the
besiege me with that last bit (and I really do mock them with those exact
words). ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!
Bruce
"Everything is a game!"
In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Dave Schuler writes:
> Like everyone else in the electrically-civilized world, I am plagued by a
> nightly torrent of telemarketers plying their various wares. We've signed
> up at a state-run no-calls-please website set up here in Pennsylvania to
> block calls through some arcane mechanism or other, so most of the calls
> should in theory grind to a halt. But for the rest, how about this solution:
>
> We've all seen signs for "no parking" tow-away zones that promise hefty
> charges to the vehicle owner. One who parks in such a space enters into an
> agreement that, should the car be towed, the owner (or person responsible
> for the vehicle) will be subject to the charges. So how's this for a sample
> script of my plan to deal with future telemarketers:
>
> TELEMARKETER: Mr Schuler, this is so-and-so from Acme Credit Watch--
> ME: Are you on a recorded line?
> TM: Yes, but--
> ME: Then I have to inform you that if you continue this phone call
> you will be subject to a charge of $100,000.00 per minute, and your
> continuance of this phone call can only be taken as an acceptance of
> the charge. Further, if I receive a future phone call from your company,
> that call will be subject to an immedate fee of $200,000.00 upon
> connection and an additional fee of $100,000.00 per minute thereafter.
> Do you accept these charges?
>
> See? Their continuance of the call can be taken as implicit acceptance of
> the charge, even if they're not authorized to act on behalf of the company
> (just like a pizza delivery guy in a company car might still find that car
> towed and subject to fees if he parks in a tow-away zone). Since they're on
> a recorded line we can subsequently subpoena their records to verify
> acceptance of the charges! Foolproof!
> I figure that if we all undertake this simple step we'll be a lot richer,
> and we'll bankrupt the telemarketing industry overnight! And maybe I can
> get rid of my student loans in the process...
>
> Dave!
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Durned Telemarketers!
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| Like everyone else in the electrically-civilized world, I am plagued by a nightly torrent of telemarketers plying their various wares. We've signed up at a state-run no-calls-please website set up here in Pennsylvania to block calls through some (...) (22 years ago, 26-Aug-02, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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