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Well, the title of this post might be a little presumptuous, as the story
isn’t really over, but I thought it sounded nice. Anyway, I thought with
Lugnet being slow and people away studying for exams and preparing holiday
feasts, that I might share this little tale of hope and victory.
In the summer of 2001, a young woman I was dating decided to call off our
relationship. This was by no means the first time I had suffered such a
blow, nor can I not take the blame in some similar circumstances in my life.
But this particular woman hurt me very deeply. I had come to believe that
the foundation of our relationship was a strong friendship based on trust
and forthrightness. And when the romance began to fail, I had been led to
believe the trust would hold the friendship together on some level. But, as
so many people are when it comes to these things, I was sadly mistaken. The
process of change she imposed between us was not simply a choice to end a
romance, but it removed all elements of trust and honesty, and it devastated
any chance for friendship. She still ran in some of the same circles of
friends, but I had been so burned by this individual that the mere mention
of her left a bitter taste in my mouth. She has become my emotional nemesis.
I am not the kind of person to take action about these things. I don’t
stalk her or glare at her new lovers or make threatening phone calls in the
wee-hours of the night. I don’t even ask my own friends to reconsider their
associations with her. That is not my style. It is not the kind of person
I want to be. I do what most good-natured people do: I move on and enjoy
other things.
But, I found myself increasingly lonely, bored, and most significantly
heartbroken and downtrodden. No doubt, these are feelings that most people
have at some point in their lives. For me it was a new set of feelings, at
least at the given intensity. Previous to my friendship with this
particular woman, I had lived in a home with my ex-fiancée while working
nights. There was a period of five years where I did not enjoy any form of
social life outside of a few family members and potential in-laws. For me,
a highly social person, it was like a Dark Age. The loss of yet another
important person left me totally alone and feeling defeated. I attempted to
meet new people and did somewhat reestablish some older friendships. But I
still felt distant. A few women I became involved with turned out to be
brief and easily failed affairs.
So for a period of about eight months starting in September 2001, I
desperately sought out any form of social interaction I could find. A few
co-workers regularly hang out at some local bars. In fact, some of them
actually bar hop to several bars on any given night of the week. Feeling
quite unhappy with things, I agreed to join them. It was not long before I
began to stop into these drinking establishments on an almost nightly basis
(even if they weren’t going out). And it was not long thereafter that I
began to pass on beer in favor of whiskey.
<Sarcasm on> There’s nothing quite like Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire playing
in the background while guzzling bourbon in a smoky bar to put a person in a
happier mood. <Sarcasm off>
Don’t get me wrong, there are still some things I like about visiting bars
and having a drink now and then. And there were a few barflies that I now
call friends. But for much of last winter and spring, I was overdoing it.
I was heading straight down a road towards alcoholism, and yes for those
wondering, I did often drive myself home each night after such behavior.
But, as I just implied, I no longer behave that way. What changed? What
prevented me from going to Hell prematurely? Well, the simple answer is
money. But if you allow me to elaborate, you shall see there is a greater
underlying cause that you no doubt will appreciate.
Going out to bars and taverns costs money. And the more I drank, the more
money I spent. Stopping out several nights a week and drinking hard liquor
until I was silly soon took away such a high percentage of my paycheck as to
make it difficult to pay for basic utilities. Living alone in a big
apartment, my costs were already high enough that I should have been on a
tight budget. I began juggling bills and making late payments. For a few
months, I intentionally wrote bad checks to support my growing bad habit.
Eventually things started to catch up to me though. They always do. One
thing a person can not avoid forever is people they owe money to. In July
of 2002, the utility companies and credit cards began to call for money
almost daily. To make my financial conditions even more complicated, my car
suddenly developed a need for some rather expensive repairs too. Soon
paying rent would become a problem.
I had to make a decision about my lifestyle. Countless solutions ran
through my head over a period of time. Some of them I implemented
(borrowing money from family and such), but it was not enough. I had to
make a drastic change. The biggest and most drastic change I could think of
would be to pack everything I could into my car, drive to a new state, find
a small cheap apartment, and start over. I was feeling like a failure in
many ways, financially, emotionally, socially, so starting over seemed like
a good option.
But then I looked around my apartment. The largest of five rooms is
nothing but displays of my Lego collection. I stood there, maybe for an
hour, leaning against a doorframe, just observing my creations and thinking
about my virtual friends on Lugnet. I began to think of how I would be able
to keep or display that hobby if I were to move away. I certainly could not
afford such a big apartment if I moved to the more affluent eastern part of
my state. Nor would there be room if I moved in to my parent’s home or to
the friend’s home who offered me a place to stay. I concluded that to keep
the Lego hobby, I wanted to keep the apartment. And to keep the apartment,
I had no choice but to develop a strict budget and stick to it. I sat down
and wrote down all my weekly expenses. The problem was immediately clear.
With the money I was spending on drinking, I was in the red, losing money
each week. If I removed that element from the budget, I could actually have
a small amount of cash left over from every paycheck.
The choice was clear, and I took action immediately. The road to financial
stability has still been a bumpy one, but I have been climbing slowly yet
steadily out of my pit of despair over the past few months. I have cut the
excessive and frequent drinking from my lifestyle completely in effort to
keep everything else. And I don’t miss it anywhere near as much as I
thought I would. And it is working. Already, I have paid my bills in full
for two months now. And I have had enough left over for some savings, and
even a little to spare on my first Bricklink purchases in over a year.
In effect, me having a large Lego collection, me wanting to have a decent
storage facility for it, and in part my wanting to remain involved in the
AFOL community has resulted in me deciding in favor of working out my
finances and getting back on my feet. And the side effect has been that my
road to possible alcoholism has been closed in favor of the brick.
So call me a brickaholic, if you wish. But at least I don’t build and drive.
May Lego help bring happiness to your lives in as many ways! :)
-Hendo
PS I'd love to see your stories of indirect ways this hobby has impacted you!!
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Message has 10 Replies:
 | | Re: How Lego Saved My Life (Long Post)
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| Hello! (...) Better a brickoholic than an alcoholic. I think stories like yours absolutelly belong to a hobby and they are well worthwhile to be shared with the community. (...) Well, in my case... Since I collect and build with LEGO that exessively (...) (21 years ago, 6-Dec-02, to lugnet.general, lugnet.people)
| | | Re: How Lego Saved My Life (Long Post)
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| (...) John, good for you. I related HUGE to that. I recently separated myself from a long term girl friend. I think it's for the best, but change is difficult. I also have spent a bit too much, I'm still in school so I won't be going out very often (...) (21 years ago, 7-Dec-02, to lugnet.general, lugnet.people)
| | | Re: How Lego Saved My Life (Long Post)
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| John, your story has hit home with me. I share many of these experiences. I always thought that Lego was the one thing that did not talk back to me, tell what to do, draw unfair judgements on me, or otherwise. In fact it was the one thing that (...) (21 years ago, 7-Dec-02, to lugnet.general, lugnet.people)
| | | Re: How Lego Saved My Life (Long Post)
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| Wow! That's great. I'm glad Lego helped you. Personaly I find Lugnet and all the AFOLs a great help. I have never met any of you off-line but I always feel like I have a group of friends here. This is a great help, as I am constantly moving and (...) (21 years ago, 7-Dec-02, to lugnet.general, lugnet.people)
| | | Re: How Lego Saved My Life (Long Post)
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| Way to go, Hendo! I am very glad to hear that you were able to pull yourself out of a bad cycle and am also glad that lego was part of that. Here is my story. I am a foster parent. I currently have three foster children and one biological child in (...) (21 years ago, 8-Dec-02, to lugnet.general, lugnet.people)
| | | Re: How Lego Saved My Life (Long Post)
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| Great stories everybody. John, I really glad to hear that the only addiction you still have is only for LEGO. LEGO did help me alot of times simply cause every downfall I had, I was just glad to see the LEGO on my shelfs. When I was growing up, the (...) (21 years ago, 8-Dec-02, to lugnet.general, lugnet.people)
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