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Well, the title of this post might be a little presumptuous, as the story
isn’t really over, but I thought it sounded nice. Anyway, I thought with
Lugnet being slow and people away studying for exams and preparing holiday
feasts, that I might share this little tale of hope and victory.
In the summer of 2001, a young woman I was dating decided to call off our
relationship. This was by no means the first time I had suffered such a
blow, nor can I not take the blame in some similar circumstances in my life.
But this particular woman hurt me very deeply. I had come to believe that
the foundation of our relationship was a strong friendship based on trust
and forthrightness. And when the romance began to fail, I had been led to
believe the trust would hold the friendship together on some level. But, as
so many people are when it comes to these things, I was sadly mistaken. The
process of change she imposed between us was not simply a choice to end a
romance, but it removed all elements of trust and honesty, and it devastated
any chance for friendship. She still ran in some of the same circles of
friends, but I had been so burned by this individual that the mere mention
of her left a bitter taste in my mouth. She has become my emotional nemesis.
I am not the kind of person to take action about these things. I don’t
stalk her or glare at her new lovers or make threatening phone calls in the
wee-hours of the night. I don’t even ask my own friends to reconsider their
associations with her. That is not my style. It is not the kind of person
I want to be. I do what most good-natured people do: I move on and enjoy
other things.
But, I found myself increasingly lonely, bored, and most significantly
heartbroken and downtrodden. No doubt, these are feelings that most people
have at some point in their lives. For me it was a new set of feelings, at
least at the given intensity. Previous to my friendship with this
particular woman, I had lived in a home with my ex-fiancée while working
nights. There was a period of five years where I did not enjoy any form of
social life outside of a few family members and potential in-laws. For me,
a highly social person, it was like a Dark Age. The loss of yet another
important person left me totally alone and feeling defeated. I attempted to
meet new people and did somewhat reestablish some older friendships. But I
still felt distant. A few women I became involved with turned out to be
brief and easily failed affairs.
So for a period of about eight months starting in September 2001, I
desperately sought out any form of social interaction I could find. A few
co-workers regularly hang out at some local bars. In fact, some of them
actually bar hop to several bars on any given night of the week. Feeling
quite unhappy with things, I agreed to join them. It was not long before I
began to stop into these drinking establishments on an almost nightly basis
(even if they weren’t going out). And it was not long thereafter that I
began to pass on beer in favor of whiskey.
<Sarcasm on> There’s nothing quite like Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire playing
in the background while guzzling bourbon in a smoky bar to put a person in a
happier mood. <Sarcasm off>
Don’t get me wrong, there are still some things I like about visiting bars
and having a drink now and then. And there were a few barflies that I now
call friends. But for much of last winter and spring, I was overdoing it.
I was heading straight down a road towards alcoholism, and yes for those
wondering, I did often drive myself home each night after such behavior.
But, as I just implied, I no longer behave that way. What changed? What
prevented me from going to Hell prematurely? Well, the simple answer is
money. But if you allow me to elaborate, you shall see there is a greater
underlying cause that you no doubt will appreciate.
Going out to bars and taverns costs money. And the more I drank, the more
money I spent. Stopping out several nights a week and drinking hard liquor
until I was silly soon took away such a high percentage of my paycheck as to
make it difficult to pay for basic utilities. Living alone in a big
apartment, my costs were already high enough that I should have been on a
tight budget. I began juggling bills and making late payments. For a few
months, I intentionally wrote bad checks to support my growing bad habit.
Eventually things started to catch up to me though. They always do. One
thing a person can not avoid forever is people they owe money to. In July
of 2002, the utility companies and credit cards began to call for money
almost daily. To make my financial conditions even more complicated, my car
suddenly developed a need for some rather expensive repairs too. Soon
paying rent would become a problem.
I had to make a decision about my lifestyle. Countless solutions ran
through my head over a period of time. Some of them I implemented
(borrowing money from family and such), but it was not enough. I had to
make a drastic change. The biggest and most drastic change I could think of
would be to pack everything I could into my car, drive to a new state, find
a small cheap apartment, and start over. I was feeling like a failure in
many ways, financially, emotionally, socially, so starting over seemed like
a good option.
But then I looked around my apartment. The largest of five rooms is
nothing but displays of my Lego collection. I stood there, maybe for an
hour, leaning against a doorframe, just observing my creations and thinking
about my virtual friends on Lugnet. I began to think of how I would be able
to keep or display that hobby if I were to move away. I certainly could not
afford such a big apartment if I moved to the more affluent eastern part of
my state. Nor would there be room if I moved in to my parent’s home or to
the friend’s home who offered me a place to stay. I concluded that to keep
the Lego hobby, I wanted to keep the apartment. And to keep the apartment,
I had no choice but to develop a strict budget and stick to it. I sat down
and wrote down all my weekly expenses. The problem was immediately clear.
With the money I was spending on drinking, I was in the red, losing money
each week. If I removed that element from the budget, I could actually have
a small amount of cash left over from every paycheck.
The choice was clear, and I took action immediately. The road to financial
stability has still been a bumpy one, but I have been climbing slowly yet
steadily out of my pit of despair over the past few months. I have cut the
excessive and frequent drinking from my lifestyle completely in effort to
keep everything else. And I don’t miss it anywhere near as much as I
thought I would. And it is working. Already, I have paid my bills in full
for two months now. And I have had enough left over for some savings, and
even a little to spare on my first Bricklink purchases in over a year.
In effect, me having a large Lego collection, me wanting to have a decent
storage facility for it, and in part my wanting to remain involved in the
AFOL community has resulted in me deciding in favor of working out my
finances and getting back on my feet. And the side effect has been that my
road to possible alcoholism has been closed in favor of the brick.
So call me a brickaholic, if you wish. But at least I don’t build and drive.
May Lego help bring happiness to your lives in as many ways! :)
-Hendo
PS I'd love to see your stories of indirect ways this hobby has impacted you!!
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In lugnet.general, John P. Henderson writes:
<snip>
> May Lego help bring happiness to your lives in as many ways! :)
> -Hendo
>
> PS I'd love to see your stories of indirect ways this hobby has impacted you!!
Wow, long story--glad it's going someplace better, i.e. not drinking to excess.
My story will be a bit shorter...
LEGO has always been a part of my life, since before I can remember. There
are pics of me sitting amongst LEGO when I was around 2.
Lets see--built with LEGO w/ friends thru the public school years--all we
had were basic bricks ('When I was a yun buck, all we had were 5 colours and
we *liked* it!--you kids today with all your fancy colours!!')
Then high school, just after '79, when the space sets were released--made
Star Wars type novies, so that got me thru my high school years.
And into college, with Technic, building rudimentary 'bots that conencted to
my 64, and radio controlled stuff...
And just kept right on going, with no signs of waning. If there's something
not quite right with it, is that I have been told I spend way too much money
on this hobby of mine.
I look at it this way though--if I spent 8000 dollars over 3 years on LEGO,
today I still have 8000 dollars worth of LEGO. I mean I know I won't get
8000 dollars if I sold my whole collection today, but, for me, they're still
worth the funds--as long as I'm not living 'hoof-to-mouth' and I have some
spare cash and there are no other pressing needs--more LEGO.
If i spent 8 grand on a car, or 8 grand on booze, or 8 grand on
'perishables', first I wouldn't have that value today, and secondly--you buy
a set, see, and this set gets mixed in with all the other sets 'n
pieces--thus increasing the fun and ways to build, and what you have, even
when you're *not* spending money on it, is still a great time! I can go
months without *buying* LEGO (though is hard to be sure ;) ) but creating
and such--whenever I have a moment :)
Is a good time, good hobby, and I meet all sorts of interesting and fun
folks who share this little hobby of mine.
As long as this hobby doens't impact on family, friends, and fellowship, I
have no worries at all about my LEGO 'addiction' at age 35
Hi,
My name's Dave and I'm a LEGOhohic.
Dave K
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In lugnet.general, John P. Henderson writes:
> Well, the title of this post might be a little presumptuous, as the story
> isn’t really over, but I thought it sounded nice. Anyway, I thought with
> Lugnet being slow and people away studying for exams and preparing holiday
> feasts, that I might share this little tale of hope and victory.
[snip]
Fabulous story, thanks for sharing it! Hobbies are a Good Thing, aren't they?
Kevin
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Hello!
> So call me a brickaholic, if you wish. But at least I don’t build and drive.
Better a brickoholic than an alcoholic.
I think stories like yours absolutelly belong to a hobby and they are well
worthwhile to be shared with the community.
> PS I'd love to see your stories of indirect ways this hobby has impacted you!!
Well, in my case... Since I collect and build with LEGO that exessively
again I somewhat neglect my studies....
Bye
Jojo
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> In lugnet.general, John P. Henderson writes:
John, good for you. I related HUGE to that. I recently separated myself
from a long term girl friend. I think it's for the best, but change is
difficult. I also have spent a bit too much, I'm still in school so I won't
be going out very often at all. Once a month tops. But the legos keep me
busy and keep me happy. They really are a life saver. BTW, I bartend at a
local bar and I see some F'd up people. They get depressed about not having
enough money or whatever and drink alot, thus spending more money. It's a
vicious cycle, it's good to see that you saw it before it got you. I have
one more thing. There's a guy that comes in every day, we run a tab for him
and he pays it like once a month. He would be our "Norm", if we were
cheers. But anyways, he's gotten much worse. I kid you all not, we made
him pay his tab after 3 weeks instead of 4 now, because it's over 500 bucks.
For 3 weeks, consistently. And the checks don't bounce so we let it get
that high. But can you imagine paying that much for what? Depression?
OOHH OOOH sign me up! Anyways, that's my tid bit.
e.
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John, your story has hit home with me. I share many of these experiences.
I always thought that Lego was the one thing that did not talk back to me,
tell what to do, draw unfair judgements on me, or otherwise. In fact it was
the one thing that allowed me to be myself.
I recently ran into an old friend. I hadn't seen or heard from this person
in over 10 years. He was amazed by what I am building now, but he admitted
that when I was building back in the day he thought "ehhh Lego". Well, that
was exactly why I strayed away. What may be "ehhh Lego" to someone is my
sanity or insanity if you will. I really don't know how this relates to your
story except to say that in bad times, the Brick was always there. I too
thank my Hobby for helping me stay happy even if just for a bit during bad
times.
Something that helped me realize it is my Artistic Medium for expression.
You showed remarkable courage in facing your demons. I hope that in your
resolve you will prosper and seek happiness. If you pick up a few more
Bricks in the process, consider it an investment in yourself. A down payment
if you will to your own salvation. Good luck.
Pop over and see some of my stuff if it helps. Heck, it would help me!
Legomaster
www.mylegomaster.com
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Wow! That's great. I'm glad Lego helped you. Personaly I find Lugnet
and all the AFOLs a great help. I have never met any of you off-line but I
always feel like I have a group of friends here. This is a great help, as I
am constantly moving and rarely get time to put down roots. It is nice to
know Lugnet is always that click away.
Thanks for sharing and God Bless,
Nathan
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In lugnet.general, John P. Henderson writes:
>
> May Lego help bring happiness to your lives in as many ways! :)
> -Hendo
>
> PS I'd love to see your stories of indirect ways this hobby has impacted you!!
Here's a repeat of my original post about how Lego helped me through some
dark days:
http://news.lugnet.com/people/?n=3045
It continues to be a positive part of my life to this day. And the friends
I've made through Lego are the best! :-)
- Bob
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Way to go, Hendo! I am very glad to hear that you were able to pull
yourself out of a bad cycle and am also glad that lego was part of that.
Here is my story.
I am a foster parent. I currently have three foster children and one
biological child in my home. Things can be very chaotic around my house!
The foster kids have a variety of special needs that I won't go into right
now, but suffice to say, they are not minor issues. I also have to deal
with the weirdness of the state system on a daily basis. There have been
(and continue to be) many days were I feel like I have crossed over the
brink of insanity. I do enjoy what I do, but it is sometimes just plain
crazy around here. The feelings are often flying about almost in physical
form! (What would a lego sculpture of pain and suffering look like?)
Anyway, I will just say that I deal with a relatively high level of stress
every day. Legos are the best stress relief I have ever found. They aren't
destructive in anyway. They are the complete opposite; completely
constructive by nature. I freely admit that I am an adult legoholic. Some
people around me think it is weird, but so what? There is nothing like
sitting at the dining room table after the kids are in bed, with a huge pile
of legos in front of me, and building until midnight. I think ABS plastic
absorbs stress and tension. Throw away your Prozac and buy some lego!
Another good thing about lego is that it has helped me get to know some of
the kids who have been in my home. It is amazing to me how many good
thoughts and soul searching can happen over a pile of legos. I have a big
10 gallon tub full of legos that I let the kids play with fairly often. So
many great conversations have taken place because of that tub. If I want to
spend time with a kid in a non-threatening environment, but want to ask some
hard questions, I dump that tub out on the table and we dive in! In fact,
it has created two major lego maniacs, two brothers in my home right now.
My wife and I am in the process of adopting them, though their passion for
legos had no bearing in our decision to adopt them :). What a great toy!
28 years old and building!
Josh
> May Lego help bring happiness to your lives in as many ways! :)
> -Hendo
>
> PS I'd love to see your stories of indirect ways this hobby has impacted you!!
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Thank you for sharing ...
-- Pawel
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Great stories everybody. John, I really glad to hear that the only addiction
you still have is only for LEGO.
LEGO did help me alot of times simply cause every downfall I had, I was just
glad to see the LEGO on my shelfs. When I was growing up, the environment a
round me "forced" me to give up LEGO for a while (like 5 years). LEGO was
all that period still on my mind and I just knew I can't give it up. I had
some rough times on the army for a little while, and LEGO just produced
'6090 - Royal Knights Castle', I saw it, so perfect and just knew I had to
buy it, after 5 years I didn't bought LEGO at all. Still for years, after I
did came back and started playing with LEGO again, I didn't said nothing to
anyone about that (well if they were on my house they knew but lets say I
wasn't bragging about it). I felt like I was the only person in the world
above the age of 13 who still plays with LEGO. Thanks to Lugnet, I felt like
coming out of my shell, everybody who knows me a bit knows now that I'm a
LEGOholic and
my middle name is. Not long ago I had to do a final project on my University
and I made it from LEGO. Everybody was shocked. They just couldn't believe
it that LEGO can be so fascinating, and also got a pretty good grade for it.
I do believe I in debt to LEGO & Lugnet in a lot of ways.
Yaron Dori, proud to be LEGOholic
www.ozbricks.net/cybersorter
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