Subject:
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Re: Lego Superhero Comic Book
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.town
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Date:
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Wed, 26 Mar 2003 18:10:36 GMT
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Viewed:
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1244 times
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In lugnet.announce.moc, Jason Gross writes:
> Hello everyone,
>
> I am very excited to make my first posting here on Lugnet. My friend Bryan
> and I have completed the first issue of our online Lego-based superhero
> comic book. You can find it at:
>
> www.appleisp.net/~jgross
>
> Please check it out and let us know what you think! Issue #2 is already in
> the works.
>
>
> Thanks,
> -Jason
>
> P.S. I hope I got the newsgroups right. I'm not sure if lugnet.town is the
> best place for follow-ups.
Well, Brian, and company, I must say that I am quite impressed with what you
have done. Is this the very first time that you have ever done this at all?
Well, for the most part, it was well done, but I found some problem areas in
the series, some grammatical errors as well as better suggestions for how
scenes will work out. Here is my list:
p. 6- The bloodsplat from the rampage of Ninja Rabbit should instead be a
guy crashing through a window into the camera lens and he should also say a
weak "Mother" or should be yelling a "Hi, Mom" quote or "I can see my house
from here." In doing this, however, you would have to take pictures of a
new scene.
p. 8- Starfish Head should either say "Oh, just throw the darn switch!" or
"Oh, just throw the blasted switch!" with possibly adding an "already" to
the end of the message.
p. 9- The girl at the baseball game should either say "What in the Sam
Hills is that?" or "What the heck is that?"
same page- The two places where "Aw crap" are said should either be "Oh no"
or "Aw man." In the place where the monster is coming at him, he should
also say "AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
p. 12- The words "Damn man" should be replaced by "Stupid man." A quote
like "I am surrounded by enough testosterone as it is already!" would also
supplement her previous quote.
p. 13- The quote "What the hell did you just say?" is overwritten and it
would do just fine by cutting the words "the hell" out of the quote and by
putting an angry emphasis on the word "What." It gives it a kind of
threatening glare when done this way, in my honest opinion.
p. 14- The speech balloon should be expanded slightly to add either a dash
or elipses after the word "talentless" in the quote from Token Girl. It
gives it more of a realistic approach when she is talking in mid-sentence
and is cut off by Plie whisking her up in his arms.
p. 18- The thought balloon of Mono-C should instead say, "Bite me, you
stupid, talentless Liberace wannabe!"
p. 20- The Mime (or whatever his name is) should say "sorry can" instead of
the word "ass" in his tirade against Hue Man because, in my honest opinion,
"Ass" is SO generic while the words "sorry can" makes it more dramatic and
it is implied that Hue Man was, to the reader, anyway, kind of a wimp and
merely a lapdog barking orders, according to the opinions of The Mine or
whatever his...ah, you know what I mean.
same page- The place "Benny's Beer and Burger Bistro" should be shortened
to "Benny's Burger Bistro."
p. 22- A dramatic "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!" should precede the "I
despise this town." quote from Starfish Head in the next to last panel on
that page. Also, it would be nice if Starfish Head yelled out "I HATE THIS
TOWN!!!" after he says "I despise this town."
Of course, these are just some things that I noticed right away but other
than that, it reminds me a lot of The Tick, The Powerpuff Girls, and, oddly
enough, a lot of groups like The Justice League and The Avengers.
I would not make this your first comic unless you was planning to add some
information on the other characters as well. Hue Man might be a good leader
but so is Cyclops in the X-Men. You need a central figure to be introduced
later on that is similar to Professor Xavier. These are mostly my opinions
but this is what I came up with right now. You make some good stuff but it
could use a little more work to make it better than it is....and yes, many
areas of it made me laugh my bumbum off while reading your comic.
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 | | Lego Superhero Comic Book
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| Hello everyone, I am very excited to make my first posting here on Lugnet. My friend Bryan and I have completed the first issue of our online Lego-based superhero comic book. You can find it at: www.appleisp.net/~jgross Please check it out and let (...) (22 years ago, 26-Mar-03, to lugnet.announce.moc, lugnet.town) !!
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