Subject:
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Re: Land Ho, An Isle of Mist story
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle.org.cw
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Date:
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Wed, 14 Nov 2001 13:58:17 GMT
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Viewed:
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695 times
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In lugnet.castle.org.cw, Cale Leiphart writes:
> This is just a teeny, tiny, not so much that anyone would notice bit late,
> but I finally got around to Writing a story about my character's arrival on
> the Isle of mist. http://www.lugnet.com/~271/IsleofMist/Chaptrer1 I'm not a
> practiced story teller so any feedback would be appreciated.
>
> I also wrote some profiles for my characters, and a description of their
> airship. http://www.lugnet.com/~271/IsleofMist/ Hope you enjoy.
>
> For the record, my party landed on 10/20.
Hi Cale!!
The story gives a good introduction to the main characters. Good job! I like
the little exposition about Joshua and Catherine's past, and yet you manage
to keep Catherine seem a bit secretive. An air of mystery around her motives.
I tend to agree with Jeff - proofreading your work adds a lot to the story.
Try to make sure you close every pair of quotation marks. There are plenty
of places in the story where I would add commas. Try to read the story out
loud - whenever you stop for a second, there should be a comma.
Good luck! Can't wait to see what you come up with. Also, if you have any
questions about the area you've landed on, feel free to ask me. I'm the
story guide of that area.
Later!
-Shiri
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Land Ho, An Isle of Mist story
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| (...) Thanks for the compliments. I'm not sure where I'm going with the story yet. I guess that might depend a little on what we find once the mist starts receeding. (...) And thanks to all of you for the advice. Grammer was not my best subject in (...) (23 years ago, 15-Nov-01, to lugnet.castle.org.cw)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Land Ho, An Isle of Mist story
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| This is just a teeny, tiny, not so much that anyone would notice bit late, but I finally got around to Writing a story about my character's arrival on the Isle of mist. (URL) I'm not a practiced story teller so any feedback would be appreciated. I (...) (23 years ago, 14-Nov-01, to lugnet.castle.org.cw)
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