Subject:
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Re: Help with a few words - kinda urgent
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Mon, 25 Jun 2001 07:55:43 GMT
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Viewed:
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507 times
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Hi Kevin!
Since it's 3 AM and I can't sleep, I might as well reply to your message.
:-) Thanks, first off, for going over this, it's good to get feedback. Here
are some whys/why nots for the word choices...
In lugnet.off-topic.fun, Kevin Maynes writes:
> Plenty of snippage here and there, easy enough to figure out.
Yup!
> > When you’re sad
> > You go to the beach,
> > That’s why the sea is salty
> > And it’s sad
> > That you can return equipment,
> > But not longing (i.e. missing someone)...
>
> I'd replace "equipment" with "things" or "objects"
> I might even swap "emotion" for "longing" - but that's just a wild guess.
Hmmm, the reference is to equipment you rent - inferred as surfing
equipment, but that's not so obvious in English, huh. You can give it back,
but you can't return the longings to the person you lost. Maybe I should
plug in "rented equipment" instead...
> > You told me yesterday
> > That you dreamt about me at night
> > It’s such a nice thing, to know
> > That someone dreams about you
> > Even if it’s a short dream
> > And if it’s you –
> > Then it’s even more –
> > Even more nice [nicer]…
>
> Again, don't know the melody cadence or what-have-you, but at a guess I might
> be tempted to chuck in "better" or something in place of "more nice".. maybe
> even a quick-speak "even better".
The problem here is exactly that, you're right, I was debating that myself.
The reason I left "more nice" even though it's grammatically incorrect is
the fact that the two words "even more" repeat, in the song. Now, my
friend's not fluent in Hebrew, but she knows a bit and I wonder if she would
recognize words here and there. I'm trying to stay as faithful to the
original as possible, since I don't care about the rhyme or rhythm here
(she's getting the songs themselves), I want her to understand the meaning,
but in case she tries to learn more hebrew through these songs I owuld want
the words to be right!! ;-) Does that make sense?
> > Chorus:
> > Dream [on]
> > Dream [on]…
> > And leave me room to hug you in the dream
> > And leave me room to hug you in the dream
> > And leave me room to hug you -
> > In the dream.
>
> hmmmm.. maybe "hold you" instead of "hug you".. but depends on the context of
> the song.
The authors didn't translate the lyrics, only the name, and it *is* called
"Hold me in Your Dreams". But I think it loses part of the meaning in that
version. The guy(s - it's a band) are basically asking, really gently and
more like a friend than a lover - just for a hug, the direct translation of
the line is "leave me room to hug you in the dream" which, IMO, ends up
different than "hold me in your dreams". The latter asks her to hug him (the
song is written from a male to a female, but that gets lost in the
translation), while the former is sorta asking permission to hug her.
Y'know? Gentler and a lot more friend-oriented. Which is, IMHO, the way the
song is geared.
> > When she left,
> > A rakefet [flower] grew,
>
> Perhaps "blossom"? or if it's gotta have 3 syllables, perhaps "pretty bloom"?
> (reminder - see very top of post! :)
Yes! Great idea. Thanks, I'll take blossomed for 2 cents. ;-) Perfect, thanks.
BTW, Rakefet is the flower named Cyclamen in English, so I discovered
(thanks Matt, King of Citing Stuff ;-). What a revolting name for one of the
most beautiful, alluring, romantic flowers I've ever seen. Rakefet is so
much better of a name! I'm leaving it there. ;-)
> > And a stream passed through the woods…
> > An amazing fairy
>
> "An amazing angel" might be better - especially considering line 1 of the next
> stanza.
Actually, that *doesn't* fit in this case. The author used two different
words for angel and fairy, and each has the same, distinct meaning in
English. I'm considering "lovely" or alternatively "alluring" instead of
"amazing" though, and neither of the three fits exactly for "maksima". It's
a kind of combo of those three.
> > How d’you know when you see an angel arrives,
> > We ran for hours in fields of tears
> > Until the night was over
> > She wrote me four songs [poems] a day
>
> If you're digging for 2 syllables, maybe "love songs".. or "sonnets", but that
> might be too literary to fit.
No, the problem is only that "songs" and "poems" are both the same word in
hebrew ("shirim", "shir" singular, and yes, that's like my name ;-). So the
line in case could be read either way. Chris has caught me many times
referring to the "songs" I wrote (actually poems). My friend does know about
the song-poem dealie though, so she'll figure it out.
> > Signed with an arrow-cut heart;
> > If that’s not a language
> > Dreams of ktipha
> > That fell out of the wooden box…
>
> Yow. In your earlier post you tag it as "the material"... hmm...
>
> Dreams of the things
> That fell out of the wooden box...
> ?
> Psh.. dunno.
>
> There may not be too much harm in leaving a word here and there ya know. :)
<grin> Maybe. The material in discussion here is a soft and fuzzy fabric.
Not silk. It's kinda shines, it's not fur though... it's the kind of fabric
royalty might use on their beds (not satin either though! Urr...). I know
that once I figure it out, I'll be all "gee, I shoulda thought about *that*"
and everything. Bummer.
<snip>
> I'd go;
> ...
> They sing and play,
> And children, in chorus,
> etc.
>
> 'cuz I'm thinking series doesn't work somehow, and I'm guessing chorus might >be
> a more appropriate use.
Yeah, that works better, I think...
> Ok, I'm done. You sounded desperate, I had some time to kill, and needed to >use the _keyboard_ for a change, and one or two things jumped out at me, so I
> thought I'd use up some bandwidth. Hey, maybe I'll actually be of some help.
> (ha! right!).
> Aaaaanyway, happy to waste your time :D
> Best of luck with someone who actually knows the songs in question!
Thanks Kevin! That really did help. :-)
-Shiri
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Help with a few words - kinda urgent
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| Yo! I'm still up too.. churning away on some image and web work. Hey, cool - glad I could be of some assistance. (...) Ah! I see - I didn't get the inference - lost in the translation I suppose :) Hmmm.. perhaps; And it's sad That you can return a (...) (24 years ago, 25-Jun-01, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Help with a few words - kinda urgent
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| This is gonna be way outta left field, but I thought I'd just chuck it in anyway. (Tired of my mouse, need to type something :) Keep in mind that it's free advice, and it's worth what you pay for it :) Not knowing the songs, the melodies, or the (...) (24 years ago, 25-Jun-01, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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