Subject:
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Re: Traffic page link
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Fri, 9 Apr 1999 17:40:17 GMT
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Viewed:
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897 times
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Oh, my. <falls off chair>
The rest of today will be anticlimatic.
Steve
On Fri, 9 Apr 1999 16:48:00 GMT, "Tom McDonald"
<radiotitan@spamcake.yahoo.com> wrote:
> In lugnet.off-topic.fun, Jeremy H. Sproat writes:
> >
> > Well, you don't have to eat the salesmen (or women) if you don't want to.
> > We have quite a variety of ground-up men (or women) of many different
> > professions for you to consume.
> >
> > Here, you will see our lovely telephone repairman (or woman) cake. And
> > right next to it is a delicious fireman (or woman) cake with mint
> > sprinkles. And next to that, is the Spanish Inquisition?
> >
> > Well, *I* didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.
>
> *ding*
>
> A customer enters a spamcake shop.
>
> Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
>
> (The owner does not respond.)
>
> C: 'Ello, Miss?
> Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
> C: <pause> I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
> O: We're closin' for Waitangi Day.
> C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this spamcake that you
> sold me.
> O: Oh yes, the, uh, the whole mesquite cellular phone salesman with cajun
> apricot chunks...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
> C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's
> wrong with it!
> O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
> C: Look, matey, I know a dead salesman when I see one, and I'm looking
> at one right now.
> O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable specimen, the
> California Green, idn'it, ay? Beautiful suit!
> C: The suit don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
> O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
> C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
> (shouting at the cake)
> 'Ello, Mister Free Cigarette Lighter Adapter! I've got a lovely fresh bonus
> for you if you show...(owner hits the cake)
> O: There, he moved!
> C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cake!
> O: I never!!
> C: Yes, you did!
> O: I never, never did anything...
> C: (yelling and hitting the cake repeatedly) 'ELLO SLIMY!!!!!
> Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! No roaming charges!
>
> (Takes salesman out of the cake and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it
> up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
>
> C: Now that's what I call a dead salesman.
> O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
> C: STUNNED?!?
> O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! California green's stun
> easily, major.
> C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this.
> That peddler is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an
> hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein'
> tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
> O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the quality pre-owned vehicle
> lot.
> C: PININ' for WHAT?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why
> did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
> O: The California Green prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable solicitor,
> id'nit, squire? Lovely suit!
> C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that salesman when I got it home,
> and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting in the spamcake in
> the first place was that it had been TOOTHPICKED there.
>
> (pause)
>
> O: Well, o'course it was toothpicked there! If I hadn't skewered that hack
> down, it would have nuzzled up to his credit card machine, bent your wallet
> apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
> C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this loser wouldn't "voom" if you offered 'im four million
> free minutes! 'E's bleedin' demised!
> O: No no! 'E's pining!
> C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This vulture is no more! He has ceased
> to haggle! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is speeddialer! 'E's a hang up!
> Bereft of carrier, 'e rests offline! If you hadn't lanced 'im to the
> spamcake 'e'd be racking up the access charges! 'Is communicative processes
> are now 'istory! 'E's disconnected! 'E's pressed 'is end button, 'e's
> shuffled off 'is inductive coil, roaming the heavens and joined the bleedin'
> management team invisible!!
> THIS IS AN EX-SALESMAN!!
>
> -Tom McD.
> (with applicable apologies)
> when_replying_please_remove_the_spamcake.
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Re: Traffic page link
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| (...) *ding* A customer enters a spamcake shop. Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. (The owner does not respond.) C: 'Ello, Miss? Owner: What do you mean "miss"? C: <pause> I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint! O: We're (...) (27 years ago, 9-Apr-99, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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