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One of my UK coworkers sent me this.
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties • over
> all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
> does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
> the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
> for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
> noticed.
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following • rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
> should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
> Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
> "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> communication. Look up "interspersed".
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
> on your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> the good guys.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you • to
> get confused and give up half way through.
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
> of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
> will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
> football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It • is
> a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body • armour
> like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> side by 2005.
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
> if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that • there
> is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The • Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive • Day".
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
> your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> mean.
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
They forget their place, of course, since
A) independence wasn't granted, we took it. So it can't be revoked.
B) if we hadn't been independent, and thus a major power in our own right,
and subsequently able to save the day, twice, the Queen would be speaking
German. Or Russian.
FUT .fun
++Lar, back stateside, and late for bed
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: NOTICE of REVOKATION
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| (...) If those guy in 17xx voted for the other language to use as national language, you all would be speaking german. 8-) (AFAIK, there was a voting once to determine which language to use as national language, and english won by just one vote (...) (24 years ago, 19-Nov-00, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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