Subject:
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Re: Parental Responsibilites (was: Megan's Law, and its implications)
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Fri, 28 Mar 2003 06:08:27 GMT
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Viewed:
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476 times
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Christopher Weeks wrote:
>
> In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Frank Filz writes:
> > Christopher Weeks wrote:
>
> > I think part of what I'm looking for is how do we judge (I think
> > we have to have some basis for judgement, at least if we at all hold
> > that there are times when it is reasonable to demand a parent give up
> > responsibility for their child).
>
> > I'm
> > inclined to think that the minimum owed to a child is sufficiently
> > nutritious food, some minimal level of healthcare, and some minimal
> > standard of clothing and housing.
>
> Yeah, that's tough. One big problem with this is that the wants of the child
> will often disagree with the thoughts of society on what should happen.
> Children, even fairly abused children, usually don't want to be seperated from
> their parents.
>
> But I'd say that kids are better off in families where the three above stated
> criteria are neglected a little and the kids are respected and loved than they
> are in a family with wealthy parents who are largely absent and self-absorbed.
> And how do you measure love, affection, and respect?
Clearly we must trod the path of taking kids from their parents very
carefully. This certainly is an area we need to work on. Perhaps there
are ways to provide the kids with some safety net without removing the
parents totally, so the kids can start to see what a better life could
be, while still being able to choose to stay with their parents, or be
able to choose to stay with foster parents, but have control over visits
with their birth parents.
I think when kids are given the right information and choices they will
make smart choices. My nephew has little respect for his father (who my
sister chose to leave because of his alcoholism), but plenty of respect
for his father's parents. I think he also asked to be adopted by my
sister's husband. Now obviously there is a possibly unfair influence on
my nephew from my sister, but his father has also made almost no real
attempt to provide (and I think even the grandparents have given up on
their son).
> > Do you owe your kid braces before you
> > can have a BMW for yourself (I'd like to think that a good parent would
> > choose the braces, but is that a must?)?
>
> Dunno. Sometimes a BMW (and other forms of status display) may be needed for
> certain kinds of jobs. And while occasionally braces are medically required,
> most of the time they're cosmetic and can be done to adults as well. It's not
> like you're failing to provide an apendectomy.
True, though I would wonder about the need of a BMW as a status symbol
for the a job that doesn't also provide enough wealth to pay for
braces...
> > For example, I think it is reasonable that a
> > parent who is able does owe their kids at least some support for
> > college, but I also think they can demand a certain minimal performance.
>
> I'm conflicted on this one. I thought it was great for me that I was required
> to get big loans for college, but I _am_ growing weary of repayment. I wonder
> what is best for the young on some issues.
My parents paid for my undergraduate college. They did have me take out
student loans, that they were going to repay, but when I went to grad
school, they gave me the money from the loans and let me repay them
(which I finally paid them off a few years ago). As long as the parents
have done other things to help their kids become independent, I don't
see a problem with paying for college to the extent they are able. I
think though that for most kids, they are ready for independence by the
time they are entering college, so it is also reasonable to require them
to borrow the money if the parents can't provide it. On the other hand,
I think it's good for parents to still provide a place for their college
kids to crash land on if they make mistakes during this time. Sometimes
I'm amazed at my parents though, they brought up three of us with a
decent standard of living, and put us through college basically on a
single government wage. A lot was a lot of frugality that I certainly
still observe. Another big help was being successful in the real estate
game.
I think the key is to share your wealth with your children in such a way
that they respect it. I think a rich person can do this while providing
BMWs to their kids on their 16th birthday. A poor person can screw it up
by overindulging on twinkies. I think the rich person may have a harder
job though (well, excepting the very poor).
Frank
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