Subject:
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Re: This God thing...
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Mon, 17 Sep 2001 14:27:30 GMT
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Viewed:
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244 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.debate, Christopher L. Weeks writes:
> Hi all,
>
> There is a set of biblical questions that were written by someone and have been
> around the net a bit. They were written as a smart-assed foil for Christian
> belief. But surprisingly I haven't seen serious answers. So I'm reposting
> them below and hoping not so much to just poke fun at you as to draw out some
> kind of reasonable explanation for why the smart-assed points aren't valid. Or
> does this actually point to serious holes in Christianity?
>
> ------------
>
> a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
> pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They
> claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
Invite them over to a barbeque - Sacred Cow makes the best hamburger.
>
> b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
> 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
If she can fix computers, a lot. If you have to pick up her cell phone
bill, minimal.
>
> c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
> period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I
> tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
Wear a sign demanding that unclean women shun you. I bet it will be
remarkably effective.
>
> d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female,
> provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine
> claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
> Why can't I own Canadians?
You can, but you have to housebreak them, a difficult task.
>
> e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
> clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
> myself?
Yes, but you can only do so when the offense is taking place. This would
involve working on the Sabbath, unfortunately.
>
> f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
> Abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser Abomination than homosexuality. I
> don't agree. Can you settle this?
Eating raw oysters is an equal abomination. See the uncut version of
"Spartacus".
>
> g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
> defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
> vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
20/40 would be acceptable. Others would say if you don't trip over the
paraphenalia, then you don't have a true defect.
>
> h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
> their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
> should they die?
Propecia overdose.
>
> i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
> unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
Not unless you wear the rest of the uniform (eeeeyyyyyuuuuuuuu!).
>
> j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
> crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
> different kinds of thread. (cotton/polyester blend) He also tends to curse
> and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
> getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we
> just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people
> who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
You must gather the whole town together, but be on a sharp lookout to see if
any of your neighbors have mixed igneous and sedimentary rock together in
their stone piles. This would be a good chance to increase your land holdings.
>
> I guess the question, when boiled down, is which parts of the Bible is it OK to
> disregard?
No one likes smart-alecs.
Uh-oh....
Bruce
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: This God thing...
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| (...) and so on... I must admit these are pretty amusing. Well done Bruce. Just out of curiosity though, Christopher, have you got any like that that come from the New Testament? I mean, you could probably bait the fundamentalists with those OT(T) (...) (23 years ago, 17-Sep-01, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | This God thing...
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| Hi all, There is a set of biblical questions that were written by someone and have been around the net a bit. They were written as a smart-assed foil for Christian belief. But surprisingly I haven't seen serious answers. So I'm reposting them below (...) (23 years ago, 17-Sep-01, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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