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In lugnet.castle.org.cw, Jesse Alan Long writes:
> In lugnet.announce, Kevin Maynes writes:
> > X-P'd to:
> >
> > .announce because it seems appropriate somehow
> > .castle.org.cw because plenty of story stuff goes on there - I hope I'm not
> > being too presumptuous
> > .castle.ninja because, well, it'll be obvious momentarily
> >
> > Greetings all.
> >
> > I had the thought quite some time ago to put together an online sequential art
> > piece (read: comicbook). So I commissioned a script from my Brother the Writer,
> > allowing carte-blanche - all he had to do was keep it within a certain length.
> > What I got a few months later was Instalment One of The Wanderer.
> > Well, it sat for quite some time (several more months) before I got 'round to
> > working on it, but I did finally get to it over the last few weeks. It's hardly
> > top-shelf material, but I didn't want to spend TOO much time on it either -
> > it's been waiting long enough.
> > A lot of the panels might a bit huge, so forewarned is forearmed. I've got it
> > set up so that you can decide from the Page view which Panels you want to see,
> > or just click right on through them all if you like. I'm curious how the
> > interface works out for people.
> > There's only one instalment so far, though my brother's been making noises of
> > three more. We'll see whether it's warranted to develop them further.
> > Anyway, you can get to it by clicking [The Wanderer] link found here;
> >
> > http://www.kmaynespaint.com/Pages/SiteStructure/Subsidiaries.html
> >
> > We now return you to your regularly scheduled Lugnetting. :)
> > Thanks for your time.
> > KMaynes
> I like your story but I feel that the excess blood in the story is too
> reminiscent of Mortal Kombat and too many anime scenes in anime so I believe
> that if you want an equally effective scene, you should use angles in your
> work. I love the overall story but you need to use more angles instead of
> more blood. You should also try to use more of the environment in your
> fighting scenes and also try to let The Wanderer bash some people together
> instead of goring people. Most thieves, pickpockets, and other petty thugs
> understand the general idea that once they have been severely beaten that
> they will not try to destroy that person. These are merely my opinion so
> until the next issue, I have the feeling that Matchlock and company will not
> be very happy when they meet The Wanderer.
> Jesse Long
I must say your story sucks. I don't care what most poeple say. It sucks.
Yes , i'm entitled to my own opinion. And it is that your story sucks ass.
Your'e probably all thinking "oh my gawd noone on Lugnet has said this to
anyone before" but you know what? I did.
I'm so sick of these stories that are like "if I have excessive gore and
eye candy then I don't need a real story or next to any dialogue because the
reader will be focused on the action." And what the hell is the story? In
feudal Japan some Raiden wannabe wanders around and kills people. Does he
have a motive? We are not told. Why does he kill thiefs and small time
criminals? Read the first part of this paragraph. And another thing is the
dialogue it does have is utterly horrible. And whats with the guy who keeps
thinking "Oooh what a big stick." It seems your attempts at petty humor
have fallen flat. The comic concept isn't even very new , iv'e seen it used
before. Also illustrating it completely shows that you must have next to no
talent for writing. Don't write another chapter into this Wander "online
image novella." How pathectic , your'e trying to make a comic sound fancy.
Don't write another chapter , I don't want to see anythign else added to
this hunking pile of bullcrap. You suck. Stick to building , because you
obviously can't write.
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Message has 5 Replies:
 | | Re: The Wanderer, an online image-novella.
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| In lugnet.castle.org.cw, Bryan Buckley writes: <much bile, rudeness, and abuse from Bryan Buckley snipped> Whoah, I turn my back for a few hours and look what happens! A Fray! I was undecided for a while about how, or indeed, whether to respond to (...) (23 years ago, 13-Jul-01, to lugnet.castle.org.cw, lugnet.castle.ninja)
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