Subject:
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Re: A cry for help !
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle
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Date:
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Thu, 17 Jul 2003 00:35:18 GMT
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Viewed:
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583 times
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Joey,
It looks like you've created the start of an interesting story line.
Please don't berate yourself for "poor writing skills". Everyone starts
somewhere, and the fact that you've asked for help shows that you're interested
in developing the skills you have. This can only be a good thing, bringing more
imagination into the world.
I did notice a few things that should be discussed, and hope you'll take my
suggestions with the good spirit in which they're intended. I won't rewrite
what you've done, but I will give examples of the points I hope to make. Please
take what you want from this, and feel free to use or not use whatever makes you
comfortable.
And please keep in mind that many seasons of the wind spirit have passed
since my high school English classes. With that caveat, on we go:
* Try to be a little more careful with punctuation.
Properly used, punctuation can lead the reader through your writing with
the emotion, speed, and clarity you intend. While you can pause for a little
bit, sometimes you might even want to pause for longer; you can even stop the
reader's mind for a moment. It can add inflection to what you're saying
(*@#%!), and control excitement! It may sound silly, but pick up a basic
English writing textbook; a good one will explain in easy terms how punctuation
should properly be used, and give real examples that you can use to model what
you want to write. Punctuation is kind of like the roadsigns of writing,
directing the reader to behave how you want them to behave.
An example from your writing:
Then as if understanding the hawks every word Nevfang looked to a hill side very
far away. Focusing on a couple of trees he spotted a small group of goblins who
were at closest 1500 yards in the distance.
...takes on more interest when just a little punctuation is changed:
Then, as if understanding the hawk's every word, Nevfang looked to a hill side
very far away; focusing on a couple of trees, he spotted a small group of
goblins who were (at closest) 1500 yards in the distance!
* Try to vary the length of the sentences you write, and choose economical
wording.
Not all of a writer's sentences need to be lengthy, descriptive
masterpieces. Some can be short. The length of a sentence can add to a work's
tempo, helping to control the level of tension needed in a scene. At times,
it's interesting to write complex, rambling interludes capable of guiding the
reader over lots of detail; these blocks can get unwieldy, though, especially if
care isn't taken to follow rules of grammar intended to keep one's writing
communicating one's thoughts smoothly. Sometimes, just write it. A lack of
variance can quickly sound like Ben Stein's carefully crafted droning. Varying
the pace keeps the reader's attention.
Also, many things can be said more simply, with the effect that the
reader maintains more interest in one's writing. It is definitely possible to
expound upon the varied possibilities posed by the English language. But you
can just write about English versatility. Both say the same thing, but which is
more likely to draw the reader's attention, and keep it over the long term? Try
to use colorful words that have lots of meaning, or even several meanings; one
word can say as much as a complete phrase, and often more powerfully.
An example from your writing:
As dawn broke, the land seemed very quiet, not much was heard except for a soft
roar of a near by waterfall. It had been several days since our travelers had
seen any sign of goblin activity. Several moments later Nevfang's scouting hawk
flew in from a night of watching over the landscape.
....becomes more exciting when sentence length is varied, wording is
economized, and punctuation is changed:
Dawn broke. Little was heard, except a nearby waterfall's soft roar. It had been several days since our travelers had seen any sign of goblin activity. Moments later, Nevfang's scouting hawk flew in from nightwatch duty.
* Try to achieve more natural character dialogue.
Though it's tempting to let the flavor of our characters worlds drip off
their tongues, it's not always easy to read. Think of it this way: though you
might be able to spout Shakepeare running up a hill, it won't likely be easy.
Most people won't, and for good reason: effective dialogue hints at character
speech customs without overwhelming the reader. It's natural. One's goal
should be to keep the reader moving through the story; crafting dialogue similar
to that of your target audience, then tweaking it with regional flavor, can be a
useful way to do this. Professor Tolkein, for example, wrote hobbits that spoke
pretty well as we might, with little changes that reflected their 'Shire-ness'.
This makes it easy for us to empathize with their situations, while giving us
some insight into the way they might truly act in a real world. Finally,
italicizing can be used for short dream or memory sequences to 'transport' the
reader to another time or place, but if used too regularly can become
distracting. It's OK to use regular type for character speech, setting it off
with quotation marks.
An example from your writing:
"Victor, Eric, Mudd, Malak..." Nevfang shouted running into camp.
"What's the matter? " asked Victor who had risen to his feet.
"...Goblins," Nevfang stated, "At the top of the hill...."
"Well alright then" said Mudd interrupting his elf friend, "Let us kill some
goblins shall we? " he continued as he unsheathed his sword.
...becomes more exciting when character dialogue is more natural,
sentence length is varied, wording is economized, and punctuation is changed:
"Victor...GENTS!!", cried Nevfang, running into camp.
"What?" called Victor, rising to his feet.
"...Goblins..." Nevfang panted, "...on the hilltop..."
"Well, then" interrupted Mudd, "Shall we kill us some goblin filth?"
Unsheathing his sword, he continued "Grom's beard, my steel thirsts for blood!"
* Try to enlist editing help, and regularly examine your work with a
critical eye.
The first part is easy - you've already done that! The second part is
just as important, though. Look through what you've written. Ask yourself if
the punctuation looks like it's being properly used. Examine sentence length;
does it ramble, or pull the reader's eye? Think of ways to say things more
simply than you have. Could you say what your characters are saying and sound
natural doing it? If you find something that doesn't live up to these tests,
change it a little, then read it again. Accept criticism for what it should be:
a gift, giving you a path to follow if you choose, or to ignore if you prefer.
And be your own strongest critic and staunchest champion all at once. Artists
and scientists continue crafting through many self-questions, and continually
refine what they do, asking opinions to help them along.
Believe in yourself, and play well.
Peace and Long Life,
Tony Alexander
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | A cry for help !
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| Hi all I was hoping that some of you could maybe give me a few pointers on what I should do to improve my poor writing skills, I feel that I need to improve before I go any farther in illustrating my story so any help you guys can give me on this (...) (21 years ago, 15-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle, FTX)
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