Subject:
|
A cry for help !
|
Newsgroups:
|
lugnet.castle
|
Date:
|
Tue, 15 Jul 2003 22:55:34 GMT
|
Viewed:
|
569 times
|
| |
|
|
Hi all
I was hoping that some of you could maybe give me a few pointers on what I
should do to improve my poor writing skills, I feel that I need to improve
before I go any farther in illustrating my story so any help you guys can give
me on this subject would be greatly appriciated, thanx in advance. heres a
sample of my writing:
As dawn broke, the land seemed very quiet, not much was heard except for a soft
roar of a near by waterfall. It had been several days since our travelers had
seen any sign of goblin activity. Several moments later Nevfang’s scouting hawk
flew in from a night of watching over the landscape. “My dear friend what is
it? ” asked Nevfang looking up at the bird. Then as if understanding the hawks
every word Nevfang looked to a hill side very far away. Focusing on a couple of
trees he spotted a small group of goblins who were at closest 1500 yards in the
distance. Then in an instant the hill side became covered with goblins.
“Oh No........” whispered the elf in fear as he rushed to his companions to
warn them of the danger which seemed to be pouring down the hill.
“Victor, Eric, Mudd, Malak...” Nevfang shouted running into camp.
“What’s the matter? ” asked Victor who had risen to his feet.
“...Goblins,” Nevfang stated, “At the top of the hill....”
“Well alright then” said Mudd interrupting his elf friend, “Let us kill
some goblins shall we? ” he continued as he unsheathed his sword.
“Oh.....really, do you plan to take on the intire goblin force by yourself?
” ask Nevfang looking at his friend as if he were ignorant.
“Well since you put it that way, I’m up for suggestions.” replied Mudd
sheathing his sword and leaning against his 3 headed hound.
“We haven’t got many other options...” stated Victor looking up towards the
hill.
“I’ll stand by you until the very end my brother.” said Malak bravely
placing his hand on Victor’s shoulder.
“Greatly out numbered huh? ” Mudd responded quickly “Count me in, I always
did love a good challange.”
“What say you Eric? ” asked Victor turning to his friend who had been
meditating on a rock, without the slightest movement.
“Well.....”, as the wizard began to speak he vanished, then without warning
reappeared next to victor and continued to speak, “I could never leave my
companions behind.”
“You humans are insane...”, Nevfang paused looking up at the hill. “But
you have alot of spirit...”
“Shall we then? ” asked Malak.
“Yes, lets hunt some goblins....” grinned Victor.
|
|
Message has 6 Replies:
 | | Re: A cry for help !
|
| (...) Well, a few months ago, I experienced some similar problems with writing, so you might find the below thread useful: (URL) snipped> So far, it's looking decent, but in my personal bias, it seems a bit Tolkeinesque (with three headed dogs, (...) (21 years ago, 16-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle, FTX)
| | | Re: A cry for help !
|
| (...) I edited your first pargraph, into what I thought sounded "smoother" and richer sounded. As a fiery dawn broke, the land seemed too quiet. Little was to be heard save for the soft roar of a near by waterfall. It had been several days since our (...) (21 years ago, 16-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle, FTX)
| | | Re: A cry for help !
|
| (...) Dan did a better job on the intro than I could, so here's my suggestions for the dialogue portion... Alan +++...+++ “Oh No........” whispered the elf in fear. He rushed to his companions to warn them of the danger cascading down the hill. (...) (21 years ago, 16-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle)
| | | Re: A cry for help !
|
| Joey, It looks like you've created the start of an interesting story line. Please don't berate yourself for "poor writing skills". Everyone starts somewhere, and the fact that you've asked for help shows that you're interested in developing the (...) (21 years ago, 17-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle)
| | | Re: A cry for help !
|
| I'm not usually interested in the stories. I like viewing the pictures. Using my slanted opinion to give advice, I would recommend doing everything in a comic book style. Put the dialog in the pictures! -Aaron "Joey Finnell" <punx842003@yahoo.com> (...) (21 years ago, 20-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle)
| | | Re: A cry for help !
|
| I really appreciate all the help I've gotten on this. I've taken alot of what you guys suggested into consideration. I hope to have this story done by the end of August, but can't be for sure because life does get in the way. Well until I have (...) (21 years ago, 20-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle, FTX)
|
7 Messages in This Thread:
 
- Entire Thread on One Page:
- Nested:
All | Brief | Compact | Dots
Linear:
All | Brief | Compact
|
|
|
|
