Subject:
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Re: Anybody live in Denver?
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.pun
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Date:
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Mon, 27 Sep 1999 18:38:35 GMT
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Reply-To:
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jsproat@io.com#stopspam#
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Viewed:
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779 times
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Tom McDonald wrote:
> In lugnet.off-topic.pun, Encyclopædia Sproaticus (Jeremy Sproat) writes:
> > > 4) Person from Denver
> > A person who escaped the tragic destruction of the planet Denver. You can
> > always tell a Person from Denver by the color of their boxer shorts. See
> > also: "Denverite".
> [Footnote to 4: Boxer shorts were so in style on Denver at the time of its
> demise that they were also used as currency. Boxer shorts belonging to
> Denver's former matriarchal government usually bestowed greater purchasing
> power, with one pair (unwashed) from Denver's beautiful Princess Blagma of
> North Numblia usually conferring a comfortable retirement upon the possessor.]
They also usually conferred two or three strains of body lice, but you'll
never see *THAT* in a history book... :-,
> > > 6) Denvernoid
> > Annoyed, unemployed noid with a void for a groid. Avoid the Denvernoid.
> > 'Nuff said.
> [Footnote to 6: Unemployment was anathema to the denizens of Denver, thus the
> psychological effects of joblessness were no less than tramatic. Therefore
> clinics were set up to rehabiliate the jobless, as the masses were in fear of
> the unemployed taking other persons from Denver hostage in return for at least
> a fast-food job. Facilitators of such clinical programs on a local level were
> called "groids" (derived from Denverese, meaning "onion pickler"). Especially
> notable amongst those who were subject to "the unemployment blues" were former
> CEO's who, being used to wielding considerable power, would often threaten to
> steer the entire planet into the sun if they weren't immediately rehired.]
This raises an interesting point concerning the infamous Lost Executives of
Denverness.
According to ancient Denver legend, a rabid mob of recently-riffed
WeeklyWorldWidePlanetBiCapitalizedSysCom CEOs did manage to take temporary
control of the local celestial mechanics, who happened to be working under
the moon's hood at the time. Using a pack of battle-hardened accountants,
they chained the mechanics to the planetary cogs. The CEOs then diverted
enough energy into the planet Denver to tilt the planet closer to its sun.
Before their plans saw fruition, however, they were subdued by a cunning
group of interns from Internal Affairs, and were forever banished to the
Land Without Comfy Leather Chairs.
Before the planet Denver made its final skinnydip into its sun, the entire
story was scoffed upon by historians. But now, it's a very serious old
wives' tale told to husbands who desire to become celestial mechanics.
Cheers,
- jsproat
--
Jeremy H. Sproat <jsproat@io.com> ~~~ http://www.io.com/~jsproat/
Remember -- the enemy's gate is DOWN.
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Anybody live in Denver?
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| ;-) Ummm....thanks ..guys.....Although I haven't got an answer to my original question at least I know the answer to another question. Q: Which two people should you NOT consult when asking a perfectly decent question.... A: Sproaty and McSpamboy (...) (25 years ago, 28-Sep-99, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Anybody live in Denver?
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| (...) [Footnote to 1: Gilliganium (cf. "luckstone") will, however, restore Bob Denver's powers. Found in small amounts in ancient lava floes indigenous to volcanoes of the South Pacific (cf. the Pacific Ring of Fire), the compound generates negative (...) (25 years ago, 27-Sep-99, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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