Subject:
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Re: Anybody live in Denver?
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.pun
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Date:
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Mon, 27 Sep 1999 03:56:02 GMT
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Viewed:
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584 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.pun, Encyclopædia Sproaticus (Jeremy Sproat) writes:
> In lugnet.off-topic.pun, Sanjay D'Souza writes:
> > BTW what are people living in Denver called?
>
> > 1) Denverite
>
> No, sorry... Denverite is the powerful substance which will repel the
> superhero known as Bob Denver. Denverite is a rocky substance, noted for its
> utter lack of wit and charm. Denverite was created when the planet Denver
> (see "Person from Denver") drifted too close to its sun and exploded,
> scattering little pieces of itself all over the cosmos. Some of these chunks
> of rock eventually ended up crashing through our atmosphere and, unable to
> fill any natural human need, getting jobs as "World's Funniest" and "World's
> Scariest" FOX Network TV show hosts.
[Footnote to 1: Gilliganium (cf. "luckstone") will, however, restore Bob
Denver's powers. Found in small amounts in ancient lava floes indigenous to
volcanoes of the South Pacific (cf. the Pacific Ring of Fire), the compound
generates negative ion pulses and phased alpha particles which cause
restoration. It should also be noted that Alan "Skipper" Hale had trace
amounts of Denverite in his belt buckle, thereby influencing Bob Denver to
always "muck things up" on that uncharted desert isle, whenever Skipper was in
proximity.]
> > 2) Denverdian
>
> This is the geological period between the Neoinfusium and the Posttrilithium
> geologic periods. Rocks excavated from this layer are sometimes confused as
> Denverite, much to the dismay of supervillians who purchase it in order to
> stop the superhero, Bob Denver.
[Footnote to 2: At that time it was noised that Howell Industries was the
target of a leveraged buyout (by the aforementioned alleged supervillains), as
the conglomorate for a while held the market on Denverite, making an exclusive
deal to mine the compound from Islander chief Somusomubobawobbamu.]
> > 3) Denverlander
>
> The surname of a respected Norwegian ectocardiologist. See also:
> "Denverlander, Ned".
[Footnote to 3: Also the surname of a respected tractor mechanic in South
Dakota. See also: "Denverlander, Carl H.".]
> > 4) Person from Denver
>
> A person who escaped the tragic destruction of the planet Denver. You can
> always tell a Person from Denver by the color of their boxer shorts. See
> also: "Denverite".
[Footnote to 4: Boxer shorts were so in style on Denver at the time of its
demise that they were also used as currency. Boxer shorts belonging to
Denver's former matriarchal government usually bestowed greater purchasing
power, with one pair (unwashed) from Denver's beautiful Princess Blagma of
North Numblia usually conferring a comfortable retirement upon the possessor.]
> > 5) Denver Bronco
>
> A rare but highly unstable form of extraterrestrial life originating from the
> planet Denver. Is noted for its incredibly dry wit; an escaped flock of
> Denver Broncos has had millions of people fooled into mistaking them for a
> professional sports team.
[Footnote to 5: The Bronco can be likened to Earth's domesticated African Grey
Parrot, only that a Bronco cage is much bigger and requires a steady supply of
beer.]
> > 6) Denvernoid
>
> Annoyed, unemployed noid with a void for a groid. Avoid the Denvernoid.
> 'Nuff said.
[Footnote to 6: Unemployment was anathema to the denizens of Denver, thus the
psychological effects of joblessness were no less than tramatic. Therefore
clinics were set up to rehabiliate the jobless, as the masses were in fear of
the unemployed taking other persons from Denver hostage in return for at least
a fast-food job. Facilitators of such clinical programs on a local level were
called "groids" (derived from Denverese, meaning "onion pickler"). Especially
notable amongst those who were subject to "the unemployment blues" were former
CEO's who, being used to wielding considerable power, would often threaten to
steer the entire planet into the sun if they weren't immediately rehired.]
-Tom McD.
when replying, that's one small step for spam, one giant leap for spamkind.
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Anybody live in Denver?
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| (...) They also usually conferred two or three strains of body lice, but you'll never see *THAT* in a history book... :-, (...) This raises an interesting point concerning the infamous Lost Executives of Denverness. According to ancient Denver (...) (25 years ago, 27-Sep-99, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Anybody live in Denver?
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| (...) No, sorry... Denverite is the powerful substance which will repel the superhero known as Bob Denver. Denverite is a rocky substance, noted for its utter lack of wit and charm. Denverite was created when the planet Denver (see "Person from (...) (25 years ago, 27-Sep-99, to lugnet.off-topic.pun)
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