Subject:
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Heroes and anti-heroes
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.geek
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Date:
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Mon, 19 Jul 2004 03:19:31 GMT
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Viewed:
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1233 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.geek, Bruce Schlickbernd wrote:
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Evil Zani Cultural Anthropologist Baron Bruz von Schlieckberndt: “Herr Jones!
You shall nhot drink from this fountain! I vill plug you vith this
cool-looking Luger ihf you try!”
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(snip)
Well, if the action is to be set in the fifties, then why not have “People’s
Anthropological Kommissar Piotr Piotrovich Silvov” as the main villain, using a
Tokarev to threaten our timeless hero? The Zanis just lost much of their “fear
factor”, so to speak, in favour of the Nommucists:-)
“Tovarich Jonz! This vahter velongz to da people! You must not take any of it
with you!”
“Oh yeah? That remains to be seen! I bet you’re just trying to start
a new collective cotton plantation nearby and run this fountain dry!”
“Uh...
you see, we are havink trouble in Khazakstan... I mean, NO! This is for all
humanity! You shall not start your own bizness selling this vahter to american
capitalizt pigz!”
“Actually, I was planning on sending a sample to the
Smithsonian...“
“... and to those fancy beauty clinics too! You cannot fool me!
Our spies in Revlon and Estée Lauder have your partnership well documented!
What, did you just think we would let you ruin our whole Botox operation!?”
(character cuts in)
“Good evening, gentlemen...“
“What tha... and who might you be?”
“Professor, this is Commander...“
“...Bond. James Bond. Put down your Tokarev, comrade. Stay clear from your whip,
Professor.“
“What are you doing in here???”
“I ask the questions here. What were you two gentlemen discussing?”
“We... er...“
“We were discussink the Space travels!”
“Uh... yeah, that’s right. I was just telling Piotr here that they just sent a
dog into space, but we’re going to beat them in their own game! We’re going to
send a chimp to the moon!”
“Ha! A chimp, in the moon! The way things are goink,
you americanz will more likely have a chimp in the white house first!”
“Hehe...
come on now, comrade. That’s about as likely as a non-russian becoming chess
champion... right, professor Jones? Professor Jones?
(Professor Jones is silently rescued by a french bombshell. Having been in
France during WW1, he is familiar with both French women and bombshells)
“Groarr!!!...“
“Oh! Non! Professeur Jones, rrun forr yourr life! It iz Godzilla!!!”
The storyboard goes on, and on...
Pedro
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