Subject:
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Re: Merry Christmas from the Libertarian Party
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Sat, 25 Dec 1999 19:07:14 GMT
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Viewed:
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142 times
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In lugnet.off-topic.fun, Larry Pieniazek writes:
> From my e-mailbox:
>
> =======================================
> NEWS FROM THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY
> 2600 Virginia Avenue, NW, Suite 100
> Washington DC 20037
> World Wide Web: www.LP.org
> =======================================
> For release: December 22, 1999
> =======================================
> For additional information:
> George Getz, Press Secretary
> Phone: (202) 333-0008 Ext. 222
> E-Mail: 76214.3676@Compuserve.com
> =======================================
>
> Christmas query: Will the feds bust
> Santa Claus for his many crimes?
>
> WASHINGTON, DC -- When Santa Claus comes to town this week,
> he'd better watch out -- because the federal government may be making a
> list of his crimes (and checking it twice), the Libertarian Party
> warned today.
>
> "Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly
> everything," said the party's press secretary, George Getz. "The feds
> know when Santa's been bad or good -- and he's been bad, for goodness
> sakes."
>
> Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing
> stockings, should he be making license plates?
>
> Yes, said Getz, if he's held to the same standards as a typical
> American. For example:
>
> * Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus
> crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He
> carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order
> to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what's in all
> those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? General
> Barry "Just Say No to Santa" McCaffrey wants to know.
>
> * Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa
> flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn't been approved by the FAA. He
> never files a flight plan. He has no pilot's license. In the dark of
> night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to
> guide him -- a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.
>
> * Pulling Santa's sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally
> protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have
> their required shots, and Santa's never bothered to get these
> genetically-engineered animals registered and licensed. It's no wonder:
> He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of
> zoning laws.
>
> * But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than
> just animals -- he's hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn't
> Santa's Workshop really Santa's Sweatshop, where his non-union
> employees don't make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact
> that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World
> elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.
>
> * No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy
> distribution industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa
> dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush
> all competition -- just like Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust
> Lawsuit Memo to Janet Reno: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?
>
> The bottom line, said Getz: "It might be tough sledding for
> Jolly St. Nick this Christmas if the government decides to prosecute
> him.
>
> "We're just surprised it hasn't already happened. After all,
> Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren't: He's popular,
> reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th --
> instead of taking our money every April 15th."
>
>
>
>
>
> --
> Larry Pieniazek larryp@novera.com http://my.voyager.net/lar
> - - - Web Application Integration! http://www.novera.com
> fund Lugnet(tm): http://www.ebates.com/ ref: lar, 1/2 $$ to lugnet.
>
> NOTE: Soon to be lpieniazek@tsisoft.com :-)
Why is it every political party has to get their grimy paws attached to
holidays with which they have absolutely no association? For me, this is the
sleaziest of actions.
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 | | Merry Christmas from the Libertarian Party
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| From my e-mailbox: ===...=== NEWS FROM THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY 2600 Virginia Avenue, NW, Suite 100 Washington DC 20037 World Wide Web: www.LP.org ===...=== For release: December 22, 1999 ===...=== For additional information: George Getz, Press (...) (25 years ago, 25-Dec-99, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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