Subject:
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Merry Christmas from the Libertarian Party
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Sat, 25 Dec 1999 06:00:17 GMT
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Reply-To:
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lpieniazek@novera^Spamless^.com
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Viewed:
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514 times
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From my e-mailbox:
=======================================
NEWS FROM THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY
2600 Virginia Avenue, NW, Suite 100
Washington DC 20037
World Wide Web: www.LP.org
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For release: December 22, 1999
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For additional information:
George Getz, Press Secretary
Phone: (202) 333-0008 Ext. 222
E-Mail: 76214.3676@Compuserve.com
=======================================
Christmas query: Will the feds bust
Santa Claus for his many crimes?
WASHINGTON, DC -- When Santa Claus comes to town this week,
he'd better watch out -- because the federal government may be making a
list of his crimes (and checking it twice), the Libertarian Party
warned today.
"Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly
everything," said the party's press secretary, George Getz. "The feds
know when Santa's been bad or good -- and he's been bad, for goodness
sakes."
Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing
stockings, should he be making license plates?
Yes, said Getz, if he's held to the same standards as a typical
American. For example:
* Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus
crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He
carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order
to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what's in all
those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? General
Barry "Just Say No to Santa" McCaffrey wants to know.
* Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa
flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn't been approved by the FAA. He
never files a flight plan. He has no pilot's license. In the dark of
night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to
guide him -- a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.
* Pulling Santa's sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally
protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have
their required shots, and Santa's never bothered to get these
genetically-engineered animals registered and licensed. It's no wonder:
He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of
zoning laws.
* But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than
just animals -- he's hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn't
Santa's Workshop really Santa's Sweatshop, where his non-union
employees don't make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact
that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World
elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.
* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy
distribution industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa
dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush
all competition -- just like Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust
Lawsuit Memo to Janet Reno: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?
The bottom line, said Getz: "It might be tough sledding for
Jolly St. Nick this Christmas if the government decides to prosecute
him.
"We're just surprised it hasn't already happened. After all,
Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren't: He's popular,
reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th --
instead of taking our money every April 15th."
--
Larry Pieniazek larryp@novera.com http://my.voyager.net/lar
- - - Web Application Integration! http://www.novera.com
fund Lugnet(tm): http://www.ebates.com/ ref: lar, 1/2 $$ to lugnet.
NOTE: Soon to be lpieniazek@tsisoft.com :-)
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Message has 3 Replies:
 | | Re: Merry Christmas from the Libertarian Party
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| Just come to my mind. Is there a word as "noel" in English or other western languages? I just realized that we call Santa Claus(1) as "Noel Baba" which means "father noel" or "noel father", and I just wondered what is the origin of this name. Selçuk (...) (25 years ago, 27-Dec-99, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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