Subject:
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Re: John E. Doolittle
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.pirates
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Date:
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Mon, 31 Jan 2000 14:59:50 GMT
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Viewed:
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5258 times
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Got an Idear for ya, Matey!
Set during the illustrious career of the indomitable J.E. Doolittle, Capt.,
etc., etc.
Doolittle hears rumours of another Brikish Museum expedition to "gather native
artifacts for preservation by the infinitely more cultured and advanced Great
Brikain society" i.e. looting anything not nailed down (and most of them were
carrying great, big crowbars, so that is up for speculation).
After visiting several islands and hob-nobbing with the nabobs in charge,
Doolittle cathes the scent of his quarrey. A small, fast ship that is ideal
for punting about the islands and running away quickly when the natives catch
on to what you are up to.
Doolittle pursues (after all, that's what heroes do to villains) and chases the
looters for several days. Finally, to avoid him, the varlets steer towards a
circular reef/island. Timing their arrival to just as the tide is going out,
the scoundrels take refuge in the interior, thumbing their collective noses at
our hero. Doolittle knows that the jagged coral would gut his Aurora as surely
as a fishwife taking care of a codfish for a customer.
There is enough room in the interior for Doolittle not to be absolutely certain
where the rogues will attempt to leave when the tide comes back in, so it is
time once again to "do little".
Dolittle engages his ship's carpenter, Jack Q. Boothroyd, (Maj. of Engineers,
ret.) in a round of speculation and idea generation. Hampered somewhat by
Impunity interjecting comments about the "potential liability" and "suit
potential inherent" etc., etc. Maj. Boothroyd retired from the Army and wanted
to get as far away from land as possible, so his current position is well-nigh
ideal as Doolittle's chief carpenter and engineer. He had been mucking about
with an idea for a non-fouling paint for ship's hulls. A noxious aggregation
involving coal soot and other, less savory ingredients. It hasn't quite
worked, yet, but has made a really, really black paint. I mean absolutely
stunningly black. Think of black velvet in a coal mine at midnight when the
lamps go out and that just begins to describe the absolute, utter, unrelieved
blackness of this paint.
After some deliberation, Doolittle decides to use the paint to conceal the
small boats and launch a raid to capture the enemy vessel. But how to make
them think Doolittle and his men were still aboard? Dolittle puzzled and
puzzled 'til his puzzler was sore until he remembered a parlor toy he had seen
demonstrated in London. A lamp was used to project the shadows of puppets on a
screen for the amusement of all in attendance. He called in Boothroyd and
explained the concept. Working like dervishes, they hastily rigged up several
life-sized puppets and appointed men to operate them. Since one man could
handle up to three at a time, they figured it would be enough to fool the
looters.
To make a long story short (TOO LATE!!!) Dolittle and his hand picked boarding
party circle around behind the looters vessel, and come up over the railing
silent as the shadows of owls on new snow by the full moon. They quickly
subdue the deck watch and Dolittle entered the cabin of the Captain. With
drawn cutlass and pistol, he spoke the immortal words
"We will have no trouble here, right?"
Suffice it to say, the stolen artifacts were returned to their rightful places,
the looters were dumped unceremoniously in their BVD's on the beach an all was
temporarily right with the world. And Capt. John E. Dolittle once again saved
the day by "doing little" and also named the island.
Oh, you haven't heard of No Trouble Atoll?
Apologies for the length, but when the Muse strikes.....
"Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirates Life for Me!"
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: John E. Doolittle
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| On Mon, 31 Jan 2000, Lance Scott (<Fp7GBq.AzK@lugnet.com>) wrote at 14:59:50 (...) <*massive* snip> (...) groan! (...) With stuff as good as that, you should be settin' up with a nice little ship of yer own! :-) (25 years ago, 31-Jan-00, to lugnet.pirates)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: John E. Doolittle
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| Richard Parsons wrote in message ... (...) of (...) 'relspective meruts'? - why do I pay this spellchecker anyway? Come here little spellchecker. Look at this. 'respective merits', see? Get it? Why is this so hard? Now go and write "I will always (...) (25 years ago, 30-Jan-00, to lugnet.pirates)
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