Subject:
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Re: rateme!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.test
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Date:
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Thu, 22 Nov 2001 19:55:34 GMT
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Viewed:
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294 times
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What the?! Now that's nasty! People can come up with some of the oddest
stuff, but this takes the cake. I think I just lost my thanksgiving appetite...
Blah!
Okay, feel better now, I think...I was better off not knowing, though...
People in obscure foreign countries should have purchased a cookbook instead
of making such rancid stuff. It reminds me of those 16th century "folk
remedies" I read about in history class last year. Not a pretty sight...
M Hein
In lugnet.off-topic.test, Jeremy H. Sproat writes:
> In lugnet.off-topic.test, Matt Hein writes:
> > Is this some sort of joke?
>
> Oh, how I wish. Dan can be SO cruel at times.
>
> > What is "rateme" anyways?
>
> I'll tell you, but it ain't pretty.
>
> Rateme is an obscure gourmet dish from Finland. It had enjoyed some
> notoriety largely due to the popularity of fanatical rateme fan Torsten
> Stålhhandske in the 1630s, but was dismissed by Queen Christina as
> "unpleasant" in the early 1640s. It was swept under the rug of history over
> the past few centuries, and was officially abolished during the Soviet
> occupation in the 1960s. There is some concern for public well-being when
> reteme is involved, as it has the capability of clouding a civilized mind in
> seconds, and has an uncanny staying power amongst the more rabid soccer
> fans. Indeed, police in nearby Sweden are instructed to fire upon anyone
> suspected of having ingested rateme at soccer matches. Due largely to its
> propensity towards soccer game violence (not to mention its full,
> aggessively "gamey" flavor) there is a small but growingly vocal movement to
> revive it in Scotland, where the star of haggis is fortunately in descent.
>
> How does one describe rateme? There are several variants, the most
> palatable of which I'll describe here. It is a full-flavored, gelatanous
> paste, gray with a bluish tinge. Most rateme has a slightly gritty texture
> which reminds one of sand, but it is possible to find some with a more
> smooth consistency. The smell is truly overpowering; some farmers use bags
> of it hanging from trees to ward away wolves and door-to-door salesmen.
> Rateme has a tremendously long shelf-life, even unrefrigerated, as most
> pests would rather eat themselves than sample rateme. There are anecdotal
> reports of cocaine-addicted chimpanzees preferring to quit cold turkey than
> to take cocaine that had been stored next to an open container of rateme,
> though such reports have not been confirmed independently.
>
> How does one go about making some rateme? As its name implies, the primary
> ingredient is in fact a rat, though the rest of the recipe is very close to
> that of oriental fish sauce, and may have been a precursor to lutefisk.
> Common sewer rats can be used, but the good General Stålhhandske is said to
> prefer the smaller, plumper attic rats for their fat content.
>
> So: take the rat, shave the hair away for later use, and grind it entirely
> with a granite block. (Substitute marble for the non-gritty varient, though
> some go so far as to use limestone for that "true grit" texture.) Take the
> drippings and ferment them for a good year. Wash with lye. Boil in salt
> water for a day. Dry. Fold in original rat hair and ferment some more; a
> month ought to do it though some prefer another year or so. Serve smeared
> on a cracker, with a generous amount of booze to help kill the small colony
> of gut-eating bacteria you've just ingested as well as the taste. Calling
> an ambulance is not necessary, though is considered to be in good form.
>
> It has been noted that rateme is best served to guests whom you have been
> thinking unpleasant thoughts of.
>
> Rateme may be ready for a comeback, however. Rateme makes an excellent pest
> repellent for hunters in the brush, and there are rumors that Bridgestone is
> ready to announce a rateme-based sealant gel for use in aircraft landing
> gear tires. Already you can find rateme in large US beauty supply stores
> for use in exfoliating. I wouldn't jump at the chance to sample some soon,
> however; the FDA has so far refused to allow rateme in consumer food products.
>
> Cheers,
> - jsproat
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: rateme!
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| (...) Well, okay, it was just a joke. Only about 2% of it was true. I was just trying to see how highly-rated a message describing a culinary horror could get. However, I tip my hat to Matt Miller; his "do not rate this" has scored a 93.2 with a (...) (23 years ago, 27-Nov-01, to lugnet.off-topic.test)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: rateme!
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| (...) Oh, how I wish. Dan can be SO cruel at times. (...) I'll tell you, but it ain't pretty. Rateme is an obscure gourmet dish from Finland. It had enjoyed some notoriety largely due to the popularity of fanatical rateme fan Torsten Stålhhandske in (...) (23 years ago, 22-Nov-01, to lugnet.off-topic.test) !!
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