Subject:
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Re: DAM FUNNY!!!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Thu, 31 May 2001 03:39:06 GMT
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Viewed:
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103 times
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www.go.com turned it up almost immediately: Here's the link:
http://www.getipm.com/personal/dam.htm
"Dam" funny!!
--
Cheers ...
Geoffrey Hyde
"Matt Brooks" <mbrooks@sonic.net> wrote in message
news:3B15299D.3F6A624D@sonic.net...
> Not sure where this came from, but my sister sent it to me this
> morning.... ENJOY!
>
> Dam Problem
>
> The following is a genuine hoot. This was an
> actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries from The
> Michigan Department of Environmental Quality,
> State of Michigan.
>
> Wait till you read this guy's response - but read
> the entire letter before you get to the response.
>
> ------------------------------------------
>
> Mr. Ryan De Vries
> 2088 Dagget
> Pierson, MI 49339
>
> Dear Mr. De Vries:
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,
> Sec. 20; Montcalm County
>
> It has come to the attention of the Department
> of Environmental Quality that there has been
> recent unauthorized activity on the above
> referenced parcel of property. You have been
> certified as the legal landowner and/or
> contractor who did the following unauthorized
> activity:
>
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris
> dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
>
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of
> this type of activity.
>
> A review of the Department's files shows that
> no permits have been issued. Therefore, the
> Department has determined that this activity is
> in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
> Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
> 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> The Department has been informed that one or
> both of the dams partially failed during a recent
> rain event, causing debris and flooding at
> downstream locations. We find that dams of this
> nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
> permitted.
>
> The Department therefore orders you to cease and
> desist all activities at this location, and to
> restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
> removing all wood and brush forming the dams from
> the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
> completed no later than January 31,1998. Please
> notify this office when the restoration has been
> completed so that a follow-up site inspection may
> be scheduled by our staff.
>
> Failure to comply with this request or any
> further unauthorized activity on the site may
> result in this case being referred for elevated
> enforcement action.
>
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full
> cooperation in this matter.
>
> Please feel free to contact me at this office
> if you have any questions.
>
> Sincerely,
> David L. Price
> District Representative Land and Water
> Management Division
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> RESPONSE
>
> Dear Mr. Price:
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.
> 20;Montcalm County
>
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been
> handed to me to respond to.
>
> First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the
> legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget,
> Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a
> couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood
> "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
> Spring Pond.
>
> While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise
> their dam project, I think they would be highly
> offended that you call their skillful use of
> natural building materials "debris."
>
> I would like to challenge your department to
> attempt to emulate their dam project any time
> and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
> safely state there is no way you could ever match
> their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
> their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
> dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
>
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers
> are aware that they must first fill out a dam
> permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity. My first dam question to you is:
> (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my
> Spring Pond Beavers or
> (2) do you require all beavers throughout this
> State to conform to said dam request?
>
> If you are not discriminating against these
> particular beavers, through the Freedom of
> Information Act I request completed copies of all
> those other applicable beaver dam permits that
> have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
> really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland
> Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
> Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101
> to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
> annotated.
>
> I have several concerns. My first concern is -
> aren't the beavers entitled to legal
> representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
> financially destitute and are unable to pay for
> said representation so the State will have to
> provide them with a dam lawyer.
>
> The Department's dam concern that either one or
> both of the dams failed during a recent rain
> event causing flooding is proof that this is a
> natural occurrence, which the Department is
> required to protect. In other words, we should
> leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
> than harassing them and calling their dam names.
>
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
> free-flow condition - please contact the beavers
> - but if you are going to arrest them (they
> obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
> letter being unable to read English) - be sure
> they are read the Miranda rights first.
>
> As for me, I am not going to cause more flooding
> or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam
> builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers
> - be aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter
> and this response to PETA.
>
> If your dam department seriously finds all dams
> of this nature inherently hazardous and truly
> will not permit their existence in this State,
> I seriously hope you are not selectively
> enforcing this dam policy or once again both the
> Spring Pond Beavers and I will scream prejudice!
>
> In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers
> have a right to build their unauthorized dams as
> long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
> water flows downstream. They have more dam right
> than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.
>
> If the Department of Natural Resources and
> Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it
> should protect the natural resources (Beavers)
> and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
> So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned,
> this dam case can be referred for more elevated
> enforcement action right now. Why wait until
> 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
> dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
> your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
>
> In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
> attention a real environmental quality (health)
> problem in the area. It is the bears. Bears are
> actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
> believe you should be persecuting the defecating
> bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
> going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your
> step! (The bears are not careful where they
> dump!)
>
> Being unable to comply with your dam request,
> and being unable to contact you on your dam
> answering machine, I am sending this response to
> your day office via another government
> organization - the dam USPS. Maybe, someday, it
> will get there.
>
> Sincerely,
> Stephen L. Tvedten
>
> -----------------
> Matt Brooks
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | DAM FUNNY!!!
|
| Not sure where this came from, but my sister sent it to me this morning.... ENJOY! Dam Problem The following is a genuine hoot. This was an actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries from The Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. (...) (23 years ago, 30-May-01, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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