Subject:
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DAM FUNNY!!!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Wed, 30 May 2001 17:10:53 GMT
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Viewed:
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146 times
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Not sure where this came from, but my sister sent it to me this
morning.... ENJOY!
Dam Problem
The following is a genuine hoot. This was an
actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries from The
Michigan Department of Environmental Quality,
State of Michigan.
Wait till you read this guy's response - but read
the entire letter before you get to the response.
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Mr. Ryan De Vries
2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339
Dear Mr. De Vries:
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,
Sec. 20; Montcalm County
It has come to the attention of the Department
of Environmental Quality that there has been
recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been
certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris
dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of
this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that
no permits have been issued. Therefore, the
Department has determined that this activity is
in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or
both of the dams partially failed during a recent
rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this
nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
permitted.
The Department therefore orders you to cease and
desist all activities at this location, and to
restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
removing all wood and brush forming the dams from
the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
completed no later than January 31,1998. Please
notify this office when the restoration has been
completed so that a follow-up site inspection may
be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any
further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in this case being referred for elevated
enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full
cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office
if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water
Management Division
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RESPONSE
Dear Mr. Price:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.
20;Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been
handed to me to respond to.
First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the
legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a
couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
process of constructing and maintaining two wood
"debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise
their dam project, I think they would be highly
offended that you call their skillful use of
natural building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to
attempt to emulate their dam project any time
and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
safely state there is no way you could ever match
their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers
are aware that they must first fill out a dam
permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity. My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my
Spring Pond Beavers or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this
State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these
particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act I request completed copies of all
those other applicable beaver dam permits that
have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101
to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is -
aren't the beavers entitled to legal
representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for
said representation so the State will have to
provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or
both of the dams failed during a recent rain
event causing flooding is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is
required to protect. In other words, we should
leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
free-flow condition - please contact the beavers
- but if you are going to arrest them (they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
letter being unable to read English) - be sure
they are read the Miranda rights first.
As for me, I am not going to cause more flooding
or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam
builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers
- be aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter
and this response to PETA.
If your dam department seriously finds all dams
of this nature inherently hazardous and truly
will not permit their existence in this State,
I seriously hope you are not selectively
enforcing this dam policy or once again both the
Spring Pond Beavers and I will scream prejudice!
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers
have a right to build their unauthorized dams as
long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water flows downstream. They have more dam right
than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.
If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it
should protect the natural resources (Beavers)
and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned,
this dam case can be referred for more elevated
enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
attention a real environmental quality (health)
problem in the area. It is the bears. Bears are
actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
believe you should be persecuting the defecating
bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your
step! (The bears are not careful where they
dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request,
and being unable to contact you on your dam
answering machine, I am sending this response to
your day office via another government
organization - the dam USPS. Maybe, someday, it
will get there.
Sincerely,
Stephen L. Tvedten
-----------------
Matt Brooks
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Message has 2 Replies:
 | | Re: DAM FUNNY!!!
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| www.go.com turned it up almost immediately: Here's the link: (URL) funny!! -- Cheers ... Geoffrey Hyde "Matt Brooks" <mbrooks@sonic.net> wrote in message news:3B15299D.3F6A62...nic.net... (...) (23 years ago, 31-May-01, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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