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That is a pearl of wisdom, indeed!
ROFL
Where'd you find it? Crossposting added: lugnet.off-topic.fun
Cheers ...
Geoffrey Hyde
Whytcross, Benjamin <BWhytcro@pacificaccess.com.au> wrote in message
news:1D0812CAE3E7D2118BCD00805FA76DEB022A518D@gw-exg-ne01.pacificaccess.com.
au...
> For those of you who don't quite understand the workings of the GST, I • found
> a copy of a letter sent out to many businesses in early June. I've
> transcribed the letter below for your benefit:
>
> By now, of course, you've read all those GST information leaflets the
> government has been sending out, and you have a complete understanding of
> how it's all going to work. ...You don't? Well, never mind...
>
> The new system is NUTS - the New Universal Taxation System - and although • it
> may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand.>>Basically it is • the
> Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions. (STUFFT) Major elements of
> NUTS include a number for each business entity an Australian Business
> Utilization Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with
> governments of all levels. Every business in Australia will get ABUN with
> NUTS.
>
> The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian
> Taxation Collection Head Office Organization (ATCHOO). Businesses will be
> required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report
> Directive (BASTARD) every month. Business should set aside at least three
> days every working week to fill the BASTARD out.
>
> Under the new system, every adult Australian taxpayer is classified as a
> Simple Underpaid Consumer Keeping Everything Running (SUCKER) unless they
> are unemployed and receiving Commonwealth benefits, in which case they are
> classified as a Registered Australian Taxation Beneficiary Allowance • Grant.
> (RATBAG) All SUCKER's and RATBAG's will be required to complete a Direct
> Application For Taxation (DAFT) form. The completed DAFT form will be
> assessed by a local Metropolitan Or Regional Outcome Negotiator (MORON) • who
> determines the amount of Credited Refund Allowance Payment (CRAP) the
> taxpayer will receive. Any SUCKER who wishes to appeal against the amount • of
> CRAP received from the government should contact their local MORON, who
> will assess the appeal and classify it as either Secondary Temporarily
> Unpaid Portion of Individual Donation (STUPID) or Income-Derived • Individual
> Obligatory Taxation Installment Credit (IDIOTIC).
>
> If you are a RATBAG, you will not be entitled to a BUN with NUTS. You will
> need to apply for the new allowance provided jointly by both the state and
> federal governments, Joint Organization Benefit (JOB). Any RATBAG who does
> not apply for a JOB can get STUFFT.
>
> From July 1, when all Australia goes NUTS, small businesses need to submit • a
> fortnightly General Allocation Rebate for Business And Goods Estimate
> (GARBAGE) report to the Department of Untaxed Merchandise and Produce
> (DUMP). Your GARBAGE must be sent to the DUMP before the 30th of each • month.
> All small businesses must be registered as Business Utilizing Sales Tax
> (BUST) by June 30th, and small businesses employing less than 2.7 persons • on
> a regular full-time basis must give each employee the Statutory Assessment
> Contribution Kit (SACK) on or before July 1. Only when all employees are
> given the SACK will the business be officially acknowledged as BUST. In
> order to alleviate any hardship during the changeover period, the • government
> will establish a Department Of Grants and Subsidies (DOGS).
>
> It is anticipated that, by the end of the next financial year, all
> businesses will be registered as BUST and the country will have gone to • the
> DOGS.
>
> I hope this has helped everyone with their understanding of the GST and • its
> workings :)
>
> Benjamin Whytcross
> BWhytcro@PacificAccess.com.au
> Ph: (03) 9856 5282
> Directory Technology Pty Ltd
> 1/436 Elgar Road,
> Box Hill, 3128
>
> Growing older is compulsory..Growing up isn't :-)
>
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 | | An official explanation of the GST :)
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| For those of you who don't quite understand the workings of the GST, I found a copy of a letter sent out to many businesses in early June. I've transcribed the letter below for your benefit: By now, of course, you've read all those GST information (...) (24 years ago, 27-Jul-00, to lugnet.loc.au, lugnet.org.au)
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