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I actually got it from my fiancee whos supervisor received it in an email
earlieer this month. He printed a copy and gave it to my fiancee, and I
borrowed it, and typed it up at lunchtime today.
I just wish I'd had it a month earlier :)
Benjamin Whytcross
bwhytcro@pacificaccess.com.au
In lugnet.loc.au, Geoffrey Hyde writes:
> That is a pearl of wisdom, indeed!
>
> ROFL
>
> Where'd you find it? Crossposting added: lugnet.off-topic.fun
>
> Cheers ...
>
> Geoffrey Hyde
>
>
> Whytcross, Benjamin <BWhytcro@pacificaccess.com.au> wrote in message
> news:1D0812CAE3E7D2118BCD00805FA76DEB022A518D@gw-exg-ne01.pacificaccess.com.
> au...
> > For those of you who don't quite understand the workings of the GST, I • found
> > a copy of a letter sent out to many businesses in early June. I've
> > transcribed the letter below for your benefit:
> >
> > By now, of course, you've read all those GST information leaflets the
> > government has been sending out, and you have a complete understanding of
> > how it's all going to work. ...You don't? Well, never mind...
> >
> > The new system is NUTS - the New Universal Taxation System - and although • it
> > may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand.>>Basically it is • the
> > Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions. (STUFFT) Major elements of
> > NUTS include a number for each business entity an Australian Business
> > Utilization Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with
> > governments of all levels. Every business in Australia will get ABUN with
> > NUTS.
> >
> > The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian
> > Taxation Collection Head Office Organization (ATCHOO). Businesses will be
> > required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report
> > Directive (BASTARD) every month. Business should set aside at least three
> > days every working week to fill the BASTARD out.
> >
> > Under the new system, every adult Australian taxpayer is classified as a
> > Simple Underpaid Consumer Keeping Everything Running (SUCKER) unless they
> > are unemployed and receiving Commonwealth benefits, in which case they are
> > classified as a Registered Australian Taxation Beneficiary Allowance • Grant.
> > (RATBAG) All SUCKER's and RATBAG's will be required to complete a Direct
> > Application For Taxation (DAFT) form. The completed DAFT form will be
> > assessed by a local Metropolitan Or Regional Outcome Negotiator (MORON) • who
> > determines the amount of Credited Refund Allowance Payment (CRAP) the
> > taxpayer will receive. Any SUCKER who wishes to appeal against the amount • of
> > CRAP received from the government should contact their local MORON, who
> > will assess the appeal and classify it as either Secondary Temporarily
> > Unpaid Portion of Individual Donation (STUPID) or Income-Derived • Individual
> > Obligatory Taxation Installment Credit (IDIOTIC).
> >
> > If you are a RATBAG, you will not be entitled to a BUN with NUTS. You will
> > need to apply for the new allowance provided jointly by both the state and
> > federal governments, Joint Organization Benefit (JOB). Any RATBAG who does
> > not apply for a JOB can get STUFFT.
> >
> > From July 1, when all Australia goes NUTS, small businesses need to submit • a
> > fortnightly General Allocation Rebate for Business And Goods Estimate
> > (GARBAGE) report to the Department of Untaxed Merchandise and Produce
> > (DUMP). Your GARBAGE must be sent to the DUMP before the 30th of each • month.
> > All small businesses must be registered as Business Utilizing Sales Tax
> > (BUST) by June 30th, and small businesses employing less than 2.7 persons • on
> > a regular full-time basis must give each employee the Statutory Assessment
> > Contribution Kit (SACK) on or before July 1. Only when all employees are
> > given the SACK will the business be officially acknowledged as BUST. In
> > order to alleviate any hardship during the changeover period, the • government
> > will establish a Department Of Grants and Subsidies (DOGS).
> >
> > It is anticipated that, by the end of the next financial year, all
> > businesses will be registered as BUST and the country will have gone to • the
> > DOGS.
> >
> > I hope this has helped everyone with their understanding of the GST and • its
> > workings :)
> >
> > Benjamin Whytcross
> > BWhytcro@PacificAccess.com.au
> > Ph: (03) 9856 5282
> > Directory Technology Pty Ltd
> > 1/436 Elgar Road,
> > Box Hill, 3128
> >
> > Growing older is compulsory..Growing up isn't :-)
> >
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