Subject:
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Re: Stupid question about steam engines
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Sat, 8 Apr 2000 20:04:47 GMT
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Highlighted:
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(details)
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In lugnet.off-topic.fun, Jonathan Reynolds writes:
> The torpedo story? Got to hear this (surely it's not the one about the manned
> Kamikaze torpedos?)
Nope. Ping me in a week, it's rather a long one... oh heck.
Seems that Lucas used to be in the defense electronics business. And one year,
the Royal Navy let a bid for a new guided torpedo. This torpedo was to be
smart, knowing where it was, how far it had to go, the depth it was at, etc.,
instead of just going in a straight line, the guidance computer was tasked with
going where it needed to go..
Doglegging into harbors and such like.
So anyway, it was trials day. Unbeknownst to the team, the developer who
implemented the internal navigation position update had done a bit of a duff
job and had a sign inversion in his matrix multiplication routine.
So the RN Patrol Torpedo boat launched the torp. It was the first test so they
just set it to run at 100 meters below in a straight line for 1000 metres, then
dogleg a few degrees.
Unfortunately, the bug kicked in. So the torp thought it needed to get to 100
meters ABOVE sea level instead. And so it proceeded to do so, or at least
try... Of course torpedoes can't fly, so it would surface at rather a large
angle, then splash back in, go down a bit, then come back up again.
This bemused the PT crew, who thought it looked rather like a metal dolphin.
They were happily watching, and laughing it up at the chagrined Lucas folk.
Then it got to the dogleg. The sign inversion kicked in again, and the torp
headed straight back at the PT boat. Which dodged away. Then, of course, the
metal detection kicked in, and the net result was that the torp chased the PT
boat around the bay, surfacing like a deranged angry metal dolphin, till it ran
out of fuel.
THAT'S the torpedo story.
> > What's a Lucas Refrigerator anyway? I thought Lucas made car batteries.
> > > Q:What's the motto of the Lucas Electric Works?
> > > A:A good day's work and home BEFORE DARK!
Home before dark because the probability that something will go wrong in the
electrical system (and leave at least one lamp inoperative) on a british car
approaches 1.
++Lar
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Re: Stupid question about steam engines
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| (...) Actually what you call beer, we call Lager (fizzy stuff for little boys who usually drink shandy) and what we call 'real ale' beer is a dark coluor with an 'aquired taste' Developed with Lucas refridgerators in mind, it's usually drunk just (...) (24 years ago, 8-Apr-00, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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