Subject:
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Summarized Transcript of Grover Norquist's 8/29 TV Appearance
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Tue, 30 Aug 2005 13:58:15 GMT
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Highlighted:
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(details)
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MODERATOR: Thank you. Government is evil. Except Republicans.
GROVER NORQUIST: Let me begin by saying that government is evil, except
Republicans.. Despite all evidence to the contrary, government has never done
anything that’s not evil, except Republicans.
MOD: What about, say, the interstate highway—
GN: Evil.
MOD: But it’s greatly reduced shipping costs.
GN: Nope. Evil.
MOD: What about social security and other safety-net programs?
GN: Evil. All of them. Except those authored by Republicans.
MOD: Aren’t you concerned about unchecked corporate corruption? Haven’t the
Tyco’s and Enron’s and Worldcom’s seriously tarnished the reputation of
corporations everywhere?
GN: Corporations are fundamentally good entities incapable of evil or
malfeasance. Government, in contrast, is evil, except Republicans.. And did I
mention that government is evil, except Republicans.?
MOD: On another subject, I have video footage of the Republican Sub-Caucus
defiling a mausoleum and actually eating the corpses.
GN: You have to view this in perspective. Every penny that Bill Clinton ever
saw or touched came directly out of Chairman Mao’s wallet.
MOD: But the corpses—
GN: Every penny. And did you know that, except for Republicans, government
is evil?
MOD: I see. Can you comment on the recent disclosure that corporations plan
the literal destruction of the entire planet before the end of the fiscal year?
GN: Bill Clinton is the most malignant fiend ever to tread the Earth. And if
it weren’t for Republicans, all government would be evil.
MOD: It’s well documented that government spending under the current Bush
administration is at an all time high, with record-setting deficits projected
through the end of the decade.
GN: Because of a war that Bill Clinton started, after he was elected thanks
to illegal Chinese campaign contributions.
MOD: What about the recent reports proving that President Bush is a robot
built and entirely controlled by radical elements of the Saudi Royal Family?
GN: You’re missing the big picture. Clinton personally replaced every dollar
in the US economy with Chinese yuan. Check your wallet, and you’ll see. Oh,
that reminds me—government is evil, except Republicans.
MOD: We’re out of time. Thank you for joining us, Mr. Norquist.
GN: Government is evil, except Republicans.
The preceding has not been verified for accuracy and may contain overwhelming
errors of transcription resulting from satire, but it is not, in the author’s
opinion, greatly divergent from Norquist’s actual television appearance over the
past weekend.
Dave!
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