Subject:
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Re: Advice from teens' parents?
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Mon, 21 May 2001 08:43:55 GMT
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Viewed:
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133 times
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> In lugnet.people, Shiri Dori writes:
> What, in your opinion, *as a parent*, are the best and the worst things your
> son or daughter can do to show you they are responsible and mature young adults?
I think a bad way of discovering your teen's "maturity" is when they start
having sex, get pregnant or get someone else pregnant, or contract a
sexually transmitted disease that may threaten their life or reproductive
ability. The worst way I think would be if your kid murdered someone.
I think the best way for a teen to show responsibility and maturity is to
carefully carry on their tasks and chores without being asked to, so long as
the tasks are appropriate. I believe in the value of hard work and the
personal fulfillment of a job well done. I think the best thing you can ever
reward a kid with is praise and love, not money or material, although a
prize for exceptional effort is always nice. Sincere praise and appreciation
are the best tools for building positive self esteem while the other stuff
contributes mostly to material dependence.
> What kinds of discussions or talks or arguments convince you that your
> children was right?
Don't know how to answer that, but I'd say I'm impressed at teens who are
more worldly, less cynical, and show a genuine concern for others, not just
themselves.
> Are they *ever* right?
Often, but sometimes they don't know how to express their feelings more
"diplomatically" and they get the bad rap for being irrational. I think
teens want rules and limits. They want to prove their responsibility but
they end up behaving "childishly" because we keep treating them like
"children." We're better off to let them try and fail, but not jump on their
backs about it or humiliate them. Praise the good stuff and note where
there's room for improvement. Back it all with love but firmness.
> Do you *ever* concede?
Don't concede, but offer compromise. I think a concession is a surrender, it
undermines important parent/child limits that a teen must respect,
especially if they are to succeed one day as parents themselves. A
compromise stresses the need for cooperation. For every take there must be
an equal give. Compromise teaches fairness, positive self empowerment and
respect for the viewpoints of others.
Dan
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