Subject:
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Re: Advice from teens' parents?
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.debate
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Date:
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Mon, 21 May 2001 04:08:12 GMT
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Viewed:
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151 times
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In lugnet.people, Shiri Dori writes:
>
> What, in your opinion, *as a parent*, are the best and the worst things your
> son or daughter can do to show you they are responsible and mature young adults?
Much of it really has to do with the parent themselves, and how THEY were
raised. Now, my parents were good kids, with good grades. When my mom was a
teen, she won bicycle rodeos and sang in choirs. My dad worked on cars and
raced motorcycles. These were the accepted and normal things to do in their
families, so they were allowed a lot of leeway when doing these things,
hence opening them up to be able to do more things on their own,
unsupervised, etc.
Since this is the childhood MY parents had, it is how they treated me. I was
a good kid, with good grades. When I was a teen, I produced professional
video productions (became a partner in an established company before I was
18) and saw a lot of movies. These were accepted as the things I liked and
excelled at (well, seeing movies was part of my whole video production
thing...right...so,anyway...) so I was allowed to do them, thus opening up
my opportunities to do more things unsupervised and on my own, etc.
As a parent of one (parent of two in October) I will try to help my children
get good grades and be good kids. When they are teens, if they excel at
something, I will encourage them at it, and give them leeway to do that
thing, opening up the opportunities to do more things unsupervised and on
their own.
Now, I know of many other parents who were raised in "bad" (subjective term,
I know...) households, and hence wouldn't let their children out of their
sight. A family friend of mine was locked in the house every day by VERY
protective parents. She was not allowed to do anything outside of school, no
sports, no events, not even youth groups or outings. Everything in her life
was academics, because both of her parents were doctors and had gotten there
by having THEIR parents raise them the same way. Sure, she was valedictorian
of her class in grade school, and high school, and is getting there in
college, but at what expense? She is a funny, bright, beautiful young woman,
and it took several friends and teachers (I was one of the teachers at the
time) begging and making promises to her parents to even get her to her own
high school senior prom!
I guess what this all boils down too is this: I'm not sure that a child CAN
do anything to prove anything to their parents...it will be based on the
parents experiences/beliefs/fears. The most a kid can do is try to be as
good as their parents want them to be, and avoid doing anything that will
freak the parents out, making them pull in the reigns tighter.
> What kinds of discussions or talks or arguments convince you that your
> children was right? Are they *ever* right? Do you *ever* concede? If so, how
> did your teen convince you/prove you wrong?
If you read through my novel above, I guess my answer is that the child
really can't win! They CAN, however, take control of their own lives. It may
be drastic, it WILL be painful, but as a living, breathing human being, a
child has a right to do whatever they want, make whatever mistakes they
will, and the parents job is to love the child anyway. If the child is being
supported by the parent (money, housing, schooling), that support may be
withdrawn. That's part of growing up, ya' know?
I hope some of this helps...sorry it was so long.
> TIA
> -Shiri
So, I gotta' ask...Shiri...what did you do? (Don't answer that...just human
curiosity! Sorry to be nosey!)
Matt
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