Subject:
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Re: Zarn's new adventures are up!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle.org.cw
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Date:
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Sun, 25 Nov 2001 12:56:50 GMT
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Viewed:
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627 times
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In lugnet.castle.org.cw, Slavick Mikhaylov writes:
> You can see the cool new adventures. Sorry, no pics just yet, digital camera
> still in repair but I will have the pictures up by next week or earlier. Oh
> yeah, the stories can be viewed at http://dnd.izba.com/LEGO/lego.html Good
> luck trying to understand it:)
Hi Slavick,
Nice! I like it, although it was pretty confusing at some points. Of course,
there is a lot of background info not filled in, and that creates a
mysterious air. (Which is good!)
A suggestion on clearing it up, though: try to keep the narration in a
single tense. That is, either tell all the story in past tense (They
*entered* the gate, he *said*, she *was* confused), or all in present tense
(They *enter* the gate, he *says*, she *is* confused). Don't mix them. It's
a common error in writing in general - more common yet if you're not writing
in your mother tongue. (I'm not sure if you are..) It happened to me a lot
when I started off, but a few people pointed it out to me and now I pay
attention.
However, in your story, the confusion of tenses might be attributed to the
severe blows and confusion caused to the characters! Good job portraying a
hectic environment.
Keep it up,
-Shiri
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Message has 1 Reply:
Message is in Reply To:
 | | Zarn's new adventures are up!
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| You can see the cool new adventures. Sorry, no pics just yet, digital camera still in repair but I will have the pictures up by next week or earlier. Oh yeah, the stories can be viewed at (URL) Good luck trying to understand it:) Slavick M (23 years ago, 25-Nov-01, to lugnet.castle.org.cw)
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