Subject:
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Re: A Knight to Remember
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle
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Date:
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Thu, 28 Mar 2002 07:10:26 GMT
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Viewed:
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598 times
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In lugnet.castle, Leonard Hoffman writes:
> id betcha very few people have read it because of a few big reasons.
Ok, I posted a bit ago about not being overly happy with the stories, mainly
for their lack of pictures and Lego-relatedness. But by my own admission I
haven't read much, so I've felt rather obligated over the past few days to
back up what I've said and actually read people's stories more thoroughly.
That said, I must admit this particular story was one that inspired my
earlier complaint. But I hadn't read much beyond the first couple paragraphs
in this case before stopping. Why?
> 1) the length.
Agree. It's daunting. Break it up a long story into nicely sized chunks and
people are suddenly more apt to read till the end. Human psychology.
> 2) [snip] .. i don't download anything. [snip] if the story was posted on a
> website, especially broken into chapters and whatnot, your readership
> would jump WAY up.
Agree, but this didn't stop me.
> 4) id read the recent string about castle stories, seeing common complaints >and try to address them in your story. people like PICTURES! it is what
> makes a lego story about LEGO.
Highly agree. As I said I stopped my initial reading after a couple
paragraphs (I had downloaded in Word hoping for the possibility of pictures)
and skimmed for images. None. I stopped reading.
> 3)the title.. well, its a pun and a cliche. it doesn't give me a lot of faith
> in what ill be spending my time reading. i think its a big reason why people
> are confused to what the whole story is about.
Agree. And since my initial reading, I've read the first 3 chapters. And I
feel grossly mislead: Rocketry? Alien life? Then later BlackTron, Futuron &
Space Police? The title, the narrator's picture, and the fact that this has
been posted to .castle all led me to believe this was a castle-themed story.
It looks like what the story is actually about is an all-encompassing
history of Lego themes, rather than a castle-centric story, which is what I
honestly expected. Which would be fine, though misleading. But then things
like Scrooge McDuck? And He-Man? And references to the author, as well as
(potentially) other Lugnet personalities? Which makes me feel more like it's
a history of the author's childhood or something? I guess I just didn't get it.
To tell the truth, I found it rather hard to concentrate on the story. There
was little in the way of a constant story line, and references to things
like Scrooge McDuck made me think it was intended to be comical; though the
rest of the story isn't written comedically. Some things just didn't seem to
make sense, like why it's being told in the 1st person. Why is a medieval
knight talking about the history Blacktron? Etc. It doesn't feel like a
single story.
My suggestions to the author:
1) Split this up according to themes, then subthemes. Or 2ndly by the
corresponding Lego year. Either way.
2) Put it on a webpage.
3) Be open about what it is-- a history of various Lego themes.
4) Make each subsection a clickable area, like: "History of the Crusaders",
"History of Blacktron", "History of Legoland castle". That way castle people
can go right to the castle links. Space people can go to space links. Etc.
5) *Include* *images*.
6) Pick a style and stick with it. If you're going for serious, slapstick
comedy isn't the way to go. If you're going for slapstick (like the Scrooge
McDuck thing), don't go on too long without throwing something humorous in
(only exemption to that rule I can think of is the _Princess_Bride_-- great
book, read it).
7) Get rid of telling it in the 1st person. Unless your main character is
directly involved at some point, or unless you show an alternate 1st person
viewpoint with contrasting opinions of the same situations, there's no
reason at all to tell it in first person as far as I can see.
Anyway, sorry to rant. I'm done for tonight.
DaveE
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Re: A Knight to Remember
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| id betcha very few people have read it because of a few big reasons. 1) the length. my reading list of printed material is very short and very elite because of my college reading list (a history major and all). to take on a 100+ pg document is (...) (22 years ago, 28-Mar-02, to lugnet.castle)
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