Subject:
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Re: Chapter Four has arrived!
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle
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Date:
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Fri, 22 Mar 2002 07:29:29 GMT
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Viewed:
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623 times
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always great!
criticism:
as time progresses more and more happens quicker, and it seems to start
buring it here. i didn't really feel like chap4 was an entire 'age', which
would presumably have a solid beginning and end (some historically important
event).
the move from myth to active story telling was odd (when characters started
talking), and kinda brought a clash of style.. mythic vs. story.
i'm always wary of prophesied children with special talents.. especially
since all power seems to flow from the lymdralis (im not sure if this is the
correct name) (through crystals and whatnot).. alec wyvern seems to be just
some nobody.. i would think direct lineage to a lymdralis would make it more
abundantly clear why this kid would have any special place in history.
i didn't understand his mother's objection to the curse of kazahad.. or the
cursing at the beginning of the mother/myrrin scene. am i reading something
wrong?
== please don't take the excess of criticism as me disliking the story.. im
merely focusing on what i have problems with rather than what i like.. if i
did it the other way, we'd be here all night ==
peace
-lenny
In lugnet.castle, Jason Cicchini writes:
> Hey guys and gals,
> After weeks of promising, here it is, the fourth chapter in the chronicles
> of Velaria!
> It's been added to my site:
> http://velaria.8m.com/
> under the Chronicles section, but if going there on your own is too much
> work, here's a direct link:
> http://velaria.8m.com/chapterfour.html
>
> As always, I love to hear feedback, be it good or bad!
> Later,
> -Jay (the Rascal King)
> http://velaria.8m.com/
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Chapter Four has arrived!
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| Hey guys and gals, After weeks of promising, here it is, the fourth chapter in the chronicles of Velaria! It's been added to my site: (URL) the Chronicles section, but if going there on your own is too much work, here's a direct link: (URL) always, (...) (22 years ago, 21-Mar-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.announce, lugnet.general)
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