Subject:
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Re: A cry for help !
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle
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Date:
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Wed, 16 Jul 2003 12:32:52 GMT
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Viewed:
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402 times
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In lugnet.castle, Joey Finnell wrote:
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I was hoping that some of you could maybe give me a few pointers on what I
should do to improve my poor writing skills, I feel that I need to improve
before I go any farther in illustrating my story so any help you guys can
give me on this subject would be greatly appriciated, thanx in advance. heres
a sample of my writing:
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I edited your first pargraph, into what I thought sounded “smoother” and richer
sounded.
As a fiery dawn broke, the land seemed too quiet. Little was to be heard save
for the soft roar of a near by waterfall. It had been several days since our
travelers had seen any trace of goblins. Thinking about it, no one could recall
any travelers speaking of goblins either. Yet, moments later Nevfang’s scouting
hawk flew in from a night of watching over the landscape. “My dear friend
what is it? ” asked Nevfang looking up at the bird. Then as if understanding
the hawks every word, Nevfang looked to a stony hill side off in the distance.
Focusing on a pair of swaying trees, though no wind was abroad, he spotted a
small group of goblins. They were almost one mile away, and seemed of little
concern. His party would have little trouble dealing with them. Then, in an
instant, like iritated wasps coming out to ward off invaders, the hill side
became covered with goblins.
Your ideas are nice and you paint a fair scene. Try to use more descriptive
words. Not more of them, but “better” words. Also, try adding things like
colors, smells, textures and othe words related to senses. Use comparisons,
they help people visualize what is happening. An imaginary empty hill getting
covered quickly is more easily seen when I can relate it to something in real
life I have seen. I didn’t take much time with the rest. I just wanted to give
a little push toward “painting” with your words instead of writing out a story.
-Dan
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | A cry for help !
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| Hi all I was hoping that some of you could maybe give me a few pointers on what I should do to improve my poor writing skills, I feel that I need to improve before I go any farther in illustrating my story so any help you guys can give me on this (...) (21 years ago, 15-Jul-03, to lugnet.castle, FTX)
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