Subject:
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Re: test #7 in a long series
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.test.foo
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Date:
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Wed, 22 Sep 2004 17:20:29 GMT
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Viewed:
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1738 times
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Ah ha !
Someone does actually read all these. Always wondered.......
Cheers
Oliver
Play Well!
"David Koudys" <dkoudys@redeemer.on.ca> wrote in message
news:I4E9L5.19Ap@lugnet.com...
> In lugnet.off-topic.test.foo, Oliver Giesen wrote:
>
> <snip>
>
> > So up to the fifth floor they go.
> > The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to • prove
> > that women are impossible to please. Goodbye."
>
> Laugh!
>
> Dave K
============================================================================
==========
These apparently are quotes from real announcements from pilots and cabin
crew:-
1) Pilot: "Folks, we have reached cruising altitude now, so I am going to
switch the seatbelt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside and if
you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
2) Airline attendant during safety demonstration: "There may be fifty
ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of
this airplane."
3) Stewardess after a bumpy touchdown: "We ask you to please remain seated
whilst Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
4) Loudspeaker announcement after landing: "Thank you for flying Business
Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as weenjoyed
taking you for a ride."
5) Attendant from same airline: "Welcome aboard. To operate your seatbelt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. If you don't know how
to operate one then you really shouldn't be out unsupervised. In the event
of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child with you, secure your own mask before assisting
with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children,decide
now which one you love more".
6) Pilot: "The weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
and remember.... nobody loves you or your money more than thisairline".
7) Stewardess: "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In
an emergency water landing, please take one with our compliments".
8) Pilot heard over loudspeaker during touchdown: "Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"
9) Flight attendant after rough landing: "Please remain in your seats with
your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left ofour plane to
the terminal gate".
10) Stewardess: "As you exit, please make sure to gather your belongings.
Anything left behind will be evenly distributed among the attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses".
11) Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry.....sadly none of them are on this flight".
12) Flight attendant: " Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until Captain Crash and his crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the terminal gate. Once the tyre-smoke hascleared and the
warning bells stop, we'll open the door and you can make your way through
the wreckage to the terminal".
13) Steward: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And
the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in
a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us".
14) Stewardess: "Last passenger off the plane has to clean it".
15) Loudspeaker announcement: " I don't know whether we landed or were
shot down".
16) Pilot "Welcome aboard flight 163 to New York, we shall be flying at
oh my god!... oh no!.......... sorry about that folks, I've just spilt my
coffee, you should see the front of my trousers." Passenger: "You should
see the back of mine ....!! ."
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