Subject:
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Apropos of God
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Fri, 27 Aug 1999 18:44:52 GMT
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Reply-To:
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lpieniazek@noveraSTOPSPAMMERS.com
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Viewed:
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197 times
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This just happened to cross my mailbox today, I thought it was pretty
funny given the current debate in .debate... Warning, it does gore some
oxen, and I am not going to claim to agree with all of it.
-- start unattributed plagarization --
Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or
was it an accident?
Norma
Dear Norma, An accident. Just like you were.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make
new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Jane
Dear Jane, Because they smell bad.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan
Dear Nan, I do, stupid.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in
church. Is that okay?
Neil
Dear Neil, Were they men? Because that's not good.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father
mad! He said some things about you that people are not
supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear Friend, I won't hurt him. That would be too easy.
Usually, what I like to do is hurt the people he cares most
about. Like you.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything
before. You can look it up.
Bruce
Dear Bruce, It says here you're a little punk.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me
be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her.
Denise
Dear Denise, Is it because she's prettier than you are?
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big,
but not with so much hair all over.
Sam
Dear Sam, Many of my disciples were hairy. In fact, Joseph
wore a sweater. Noah had a big giant, fluffy beard. In the
old days, hair was good. Don't be so judgmental or I'll send
you to Hell.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, I think the stapler is one of your greatest
inventions.
Ruth
Dear Ruth, WHAT?! I invent the ocean and the sky and
buildings and cars, and all you like is the stapler?
Are you stupid?
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the
people in the world. There are only four people in our
family and I can never do it.
Nan
Dear Nan, Who told you I love everybody?
I only like Puff Daddy.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah
and David the best.
Rob
Dear Rob, Noah was an alcoholic. David was an egotist.
I like Newt.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, My brother told me about being born, but it
doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they?
Marsha
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, You mean the part when your father
got your mother drunk and took her back to his house and put
on some Barry White and then did the nasty?
Yeah, that's right.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my
new shoes.
Mickey
Dear Mickey, What kind of name is Mickey? That's not
biblical.
GOD
------------------------------
Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday
school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your
idea.
Sincerely, Donna
Dear Donna, I created the sun which gives you light. Tommy
invented the light bulb. He thought the light I created
wasn't enough. He's in Hell.
GOD
-- end --
--
Larry Pieniazek larryp@novera.com http://my.voyager.net/lar
- - - Web Application Integration! http://www.novera.com
fund Lugnet(tm): http://www.ebates.com/ Member ref: lar, 1/2 $$ to
lugnet.
NOTE: I have left CTP, effective 18 June 99, and my CTP email
will not work after then. Please switch to my Novera ID.
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