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Lorbaat wrote in message ...
> Why do you assume that all polyamorous relationships involve people that • want
> to spend time with all of their lover's other partners? Even if they do • all
> know each other, what if you have one lover who wants you to be with them
> because they feel down, and one that wants you to be there because they • want to
> celebrate? What if one really needs to be comforted, and the other wants • you
> to be there to make their happy occasion complete? How do you resolve
that?
This is a real issue, and different groups of people resolve it differently.
Poly groups are not all the same, there are a lot of different structures
developed by the people involved to work for them, and often the structure
changes and develops to deal with problems as they come up. In some groups
there's a primary relationship and others are secondary, so given the need
to make a choice the primary relationship will come first. The secondary
person who also wants/needs attention may not like it, but they know to
expect it. (I have been in this exact situation and stayed in it because the
good points outweighed the bad. Someone else may not find it possible to be
in a situation like this at all). For other groups, comforting may take
precedence over celebration. Others probably would have different ways again
of dealing with it.
Kevin
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: Polyamory
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| (...) Yes, I know. Hinge, triangle, primary/secondary, etc (those are the only ones everyone seemed able to agree on). (...) Right. But my point stands- you're forced to make a choice that you would not be forced to make if you were committed to (...) (24 years ago, 14-Dec-00, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | Re: Polyamory
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| (...) No, not really. When you're committed to one other person, no part of your brain is seeking another person, or giving attention to another person you're already seeing. (...) No, they're thought experiments. Yours apparently failed. (...) Not (...) (24 years ago, 14-Dec-00, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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