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Christopher Weeks wrote:
> Jasper Janssen wrote:
> > I won't go into the rather icky and extremely controversial "studies"
> > that "show" sex-with-kids isn't necessarily harmful to the children.
>
> My mother has been verbally battered on several occasions by suggesting
> that _maybe_ much of the harm done to children who are victims of non
> violent molestation comes from the aftermath and how everyone freaks out
> and treats them differently and sends them to counciling and makes them
> take the stand and stuff. This is by nature an extremely controversial subject.
>
> Are the studies to which to refer not really studies, but nasty kiddie
> freaks trying to justify their sick behavior? Or what?
Okay, I'll chime in here--I feel very strongly about this issue, because I'm a
member of that "other" group, the ones who never said anything (as children) or went
to counseling or to court or anything after instances of sexual abuse. Granted,
mine was from outside the family (a high-school-age babysitter of the opposite sex
when I was about 7), but it did affect my idea of what constituted a "proper"
male-female relationship for a long time, and it still does even though I've had to
come to terms with it. I believe they *do* have effects, and if they seem "not
damaging" it's because we generally don't see the place in these kids' lives where
it has its greatest effect, in intimate relationships and sexuality later in life.
I won't get into any more detail about it here, but there are a lot of sexuality
issues in my life that I can trace *directly* to those experiences.
However, I also had another "childhood trauma" that was far more affecting, an
alcoholic father who largely vanished from my life when I was 4. That one really
did cause problems with self-esteem, insecurity (related), anger management, and God
knows how many other issues. I'm not sure how to parse COA (Child of Alcoholic)
issues from those in the paragraph above, except to say that I know where each has
affected my life. Sometimes they mixed, especially in intense dating relationships
when I was younger--I would have abandonment issues that combined the two in a
causal chain. The effect of the alcoholic parent was, overall, the stronger of the
two in defining the contours of my personality.
The most surprising part to me, however, is how resilient so many people are, myself
included. Most of my "recovery" (really self-realization) has been done by myself,
though I did make use of the talking cure with friends. I have to agree with what
Chris puts out above, that much of the "damage" is done when the child is sacrificed
to the adult catharses of the trial, the therapist, and the idea of true normalcy.
It's not an issue of restoration but of "where we go from here"--often in the name
of normalization the children end up medicated or worse. By working through my
issues at my own pace, I was able to come to terms with my past, my inner self, and
why I think and feel what I do. Had that been pried (or medicated) out of me I
doubt I'd be nearly as well-adjusted.
Erg, sorry for the drift.
best,
Lindsay (thanking Mom every day for saying "no" to Ritalin)
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Message is in Reply To:
 | | Re: Swearing?
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| (...) I'm not convinced that it's all that clear cut. I have observed age-peers of mine who are markedly less worldly and make stupid decisions about their lives. At what magic age is one fully capable of making decisions such that we can (...) (25 years ago, 9-Jan-00, to lugnet.off-topic.debate)
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