Subject:
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LEGO spam?
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.general
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Date:
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Thu, 24 Aug 2000 01:35:33 GMT
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Viewed:
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1506 times
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> > > > > > > > READY TO HAVE CHILDREN??
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > MESS TEST
> > > > > > > > Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.
> > > > > > > > Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all • summer.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > TOY TEST
> > > > > > > > Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute • roofing
> > > > > > > > tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on • a
> > > > > > > > blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not • scream
> > > > > > > > because this would wake a child at night.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > GROCERY STORE TEST
> > > > > > > > Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take • them
> > > > > > > > with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for
> > > > > > > > anything they eat or damage.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > DRESSING TEST
> > > > > > > > Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small • net
> > > bag
> > > > > > > > making sure that all the arms stay inside.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > FEEDING TEST
> > > > > > > > Obtain a large plastic milk jug.
> > > > > > > > Fill halfway with water.
> > > > > > > > Suspend from the ceiling with a cord.
> > > > > > > > Start the jug swinging.
> > > > > > > > Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of • the
> > > jug,
> > > > > > > > while pretending to be an airplane.
> > > > > > > > Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > NIGHT TEST
> > > > > > > > Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 • pounds
> > > > > > > > of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water.
> > > > > > > > At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until • 9:00p.m.
> > > > > > > > Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.
> > > > > > > > Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever • heard.
> > > > > > > > Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m.
> > > > > > > > Set alarm for 5:00 a.m.
> > > > > > > > Get up and make breakfast.
> > > > > > > > Keep this up for 5 years.
> > > > > > > > Look cheerful.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > INGENUITY TEST
> > > > > > > > Take an egg carton.
> > > > > > > > Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an • alligator.
> > > > > > > > Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive
> > > > > > > > Christmas candle.
> > > > > > > > Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
> > > > > > > > Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box • of
> > > > > > > > Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > AUTOMOBILE TEST
> > > > > > > > Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon.
> > > > > > > > Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove
> > > > > > > > compartment.
> > > > > > > > Leave it there.
> > > > > > > > Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player.
> > > > > > > > Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash • them
> > > > > > > > into the back seat.
> > > > > > > > Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, • perfect.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
> > > > > > > > Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of • your
> > > > > > > > clothes.
> > > > > > > > Leave it there for 9 months.
> > > > > > > > Now remove 10 of the beans.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
> > > > > > > > Go to the nearest drug store.
> > > > > > > > Set your wallet on the counter.
> > > > > > > > Ask the clerk to help himself.
> > > > > > > > Now proceed to the nearest food store.
> > > > > > > > Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be • directly
> > > > > > > > deposited to the store.
> > > > > > > > Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the • last
> > > > time.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > FINAL ASSIGNMENT
> > > > > > > > Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on • how
> > > > > > > > they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, • toilet
> > > > > > > > training
> > > > > > > > and child's table manners.
> > > > > > > > Suggest many ways they can improve.
> > > > > > > > Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children • to
> > > > > > > > run wild.
> > > > > > > > Enjoy this experience.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
> > > > > > > >
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>
--
Have fun!
John
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