Subject:
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Re: My lego rpg story, amongst others...
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.castle, lugnet.general
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Date:
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Thu, 21 Nov 2002 23:12:25 GMT
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Viewed:
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645 times
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i usually don't read stories without lego, but i'd like to comment a further
piece of advice to make your work more approachable. simply put, your
paragraphs are too long. i see a screen's worth of solid text and i blank out.
if you could divide those up a bit, it makes them more approachable and more
readable.
just an idea, take it if you want it.. don't if you don't
-lenny
In lugnet.castle, Matt Hein writes:
> I noticed there wasn't much activity here at
> .castle, so I decided to go along and present
> to you, one of my lego RPG stories, for your
> enjoyment...
>
> I just recently completed a text only
> excerpt from my work in progress. Of course,
> I'll have the beginning chapters and progress
> to mention on the way as well...
>
> These are, of course, spoilers, so if you
> wish to start from the beginning, I'll include
> the text version, perhaps later this month...
>
> Anyway, without further ado,
>
> Part One of the fourth chapter excerpt...
>
> http://www.lugnet.com/~1112/Fantasy/Blackford
>
> And of course, part two...
>
> http://www.lugnet.com/~1112/Fantasy/Phoenix
>
> Your comments are more than welcome.
>
> Hope you enjoy the read (long, wasn't it?)
>
> <<_Matt Hein_>>
> Fellow lego enthusiast
>
> Or email me comments at Pyrokid17@hotmail.com
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Message has 1 Reply:
 | | Re: My lego rpg story, amongst others...
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| (...) Five minutes, problem fixed... Now, if anyone will please forward me the appropriate feedback on this subject, that would be great. And no, you won't blank out this instance (or at least I hope... ^_^) Thank you, <<_Matt Hein_>> Fellow lego (...) (22 years ago, 22-Nov-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
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Message is in Reply To:
| | My lego rpg story, amongst others...
|
| I noticed there wasn't much activity here at .castle, so I decided to go along and present to you, one of my lego RPG stories, for your enjoyment... I just recently completed a text only excerpt from my work in progress. Of course, I'll have the (...) (22 years ago, 21-Nov-02, to lugnet.castle, lugnet.general)
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