Subject:
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Just Revenge
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Newsgroups:
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lugnet.off-topic.fun
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Date:
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Thu, 23 May 2002 16:58:37 GMT
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Viewed:
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428 times
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A few years ago I returned half of a box of Pop-Tarts to the local branch of
a major retailer. The finks wouldn't give me my money back, since I had no
receipt, and they wouldn't give full credit, since more than half the
product was missing. I had to settle for their feeble offer of 45% credit,
or $1.05. Anyway, when I went back to a different branch yesterday, the
floor manager apologized but said he couldn't find any record of my credit,
that jerk. I was all set to buy that new $250 Imperial Star Destroyer set,
but if the company's going to hose me on their return policy, I say "forget it."
So here's how I got my revenge: First I found out where the manager lives,
and I released about 10,000 crickets into his house. Then I went into his
refrigerator and opened all of his beer and soda bottles just enough to let
the fizz bleed away. Then I used a toothpick to scratch naughty messages in
his tubs of butter, and I bruised all of his apples and tomatoes. After
that, I short-sheeted all the beds, and I turned all of his wall-mounted
light switches upside down. When that still wasn't enough, I called in a
few favors and had the manager's birth, educational, miltary, medical,
criminal, financial, and employment records expunged from all US and and
International computer systems.
I still wasn't satisfied, so I manipulated the stock market to make it seem
as if the company's share value had dropped by 75%, and I started a
whispering campaign to undermine further confidence in the company's earning
potential, and I just may have sown the seeds of rumor regarding the upper
management's, shall we say, unexpected policies re: animal husbandry.
As a further bit of vengeance, I let it be known that the company's popular,
green-hued nutrition bars are in fact made of people, and that the
corporation's reseach division had smuggled the Grail into Europe and
founded the Merovingian bloodline.
But when even that didn't seem sufficient recompense for the grievous wrong
I had endured, I created the public impression that the company had only
succeeded in getting off the ground in the first place by bargaining with
infernal powers, and I let it be known that the CEO was personally
responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs.
So was I out of line? I figure that if a company's not willing to follow
through on its return policy, anything goes. Thoughts?
Dave!
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Message has 4 Replies:
 | | Re: Just Revenge
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| That was YOU!?!? -Evil Wayne ___...___ "There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." (URL) lugnet.off-topic.fun, Dave Schuler writes: <Major Snipage of All Things Done in the Name of Revenge> (...) (23 years ago, 23-May-02, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
| | | Re: Just Revenge
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| Pshaw! That's nothing -- I am acquainted with people that would disappear you and your whole family if you slighted them over a single penny! Or is this a Dennis Miller type rant of "what's the reference"? In which case I think the strangest ref was (...) (23 years ago, 23-May-02, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
| | | Re: Just Revenge
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| (...) You know, the really sad part about this is that the MSRP of the Star Destroyer is $251.05, so obviously the store automatically calculated your credit into the price before you even saw it. James (23 years ago, 23-May-02, to lugnet.off-topic.fun)
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